Does anyone else punch themselves?

I punch myself.

Dat frustration.

It sounds completely bonkers to say out load but when my skills start to become questionable, my frustrations running high and my patience at its lowest I thump myself in the leg, sometimes once, sometimes multiple times.

Like some strange pavlovian conditioning technique, I discipline myself by unleashing unholy wrath upon my leg.

I've started to notice parts of me are more yellow than the original milky white colour they where before.

Gunman Clive is driving me bonkers, a clear contender for speed runs, it times every stage, secretly judging you after every complete level, I don't feel the need to go back and better myself, doing it is 'better' enough for me.

Link rage.

I've noticed it more and more as the weeks have past, the first time I punched myself I was Link, too anyone thats played a Zelda game its clear you've all felt that frustration, be it the whole of Phantom Hourglass or first puzzle in Spirit Tracks Zelda rage is very true.

As I've mentioned in another Zelda related blog, not being able to find that missing treasure chest is enough to go crazy.

First I kinda shake a little like Im telling myself 'did you really just do that'?!

Secondly I keep my calm and do it again.

Thirdly I try and rush my way there and die at an earlier point.

Fourthly I tell myself to calm down or I won't be able to do it.

Fifthly I close my 3DS lid only to open it seconds later like I didn't admit defeat

and if Im lucky enough to get to the sixth time and Beyond I thump my leg, like I said it could be once but I think the maximum amount of times its happened is in the five plus region.

Imagine the nail in my leg.

I used to do it when I was alone like it was my dirty little secret, then I did it in front of someone to just hear 'what are you doing' in a condescending tone.

Then I started doing it in public, when I was blogging about Clive I should say, if you've played that game you've felt my pain.

I don't know if anyone saw me raging away in the corner like I was putting up a picture. Only i'm hammering the nail in my leg with my fist.......also missing the picture.

Then it all gets foggy as I stop playing weather I've succeeded or not, normally not doing it and leaving it for another day, turning my 3DS into a useless powered brick for a few days.

I'm sure its normal.

Manic Army

Caleb ManicallyDepressed-ModearatelyFunny.

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Online Diary, Day 1 - Bipolar Zelda.

Sorry if I got anyone's hopes up with that title I posted last week, whilst I was on the speculation train I thought it only fair to stop off at platform 3 and a Half-Life.

Ready to save the day, one crowbar at a time.

As long as people use Steam it's safe to say Half life 3 is a long way away.

It would be a nice thing to hear though wouldn't it, enough photo shop jobs on the Internet to make you think otherwise, My personal favourite being the 'Gabe' Half Life 3 image I used in that blog.

Talking of Steam I saw Tomb Raider for £2.99, absolute madness if you ask me!

Jumped aboard the Zelda train this morning, Spirit train for all you technical nerds out there, and brought a copy of Majora's Mask 3D, I then spent the whole day playing A Link Between Worlds. How odd?!

Only 2 of the seven sages left to collect, so its been a fun filled, dungeon questing day.

That adorable train!

I feel like I haven't released any proper content in a while even though I just edited content drop mark II 'I think I'm going to Spelunk"

Originally 45 minutes long I cut nearly 2/3 away to keep it in the 15 minute time frame YouTube allows.

Hopefully you'll be able to see the effort that went into making this one.

A different experience from the first video, but I hope you enjoy it all the same.

Not sure what the next video will be of and when it'll be recorded but hopefully it'll happen in the next week or two as Matt's one busy bee, I could always try being funny alone but that's just a scary thought.

Its not that scary.

Matt's also my partner in crime when it comes to creating content!

Has this become an online diary for me at the minute as I've lost any sort of direction I once had, I think it has a little, do I just stop 2 months into this project?

FUCK NO.

Documenting the mind of a Bipolar gamer and all the content he tries to create was always the idea of this blog, To do it for me, to prove I can do things no matter how scary they may seem.

My biggest anxiety actually coming from people knowing its me, Its amazing how your views can change in such a short period of time.

Now I want people to know it's me.

Create content! If not for others then for yourselves, it's rewarding to see what you can create from nothing.

I also got my Diagnosis back today from the doctor so I have an official piece of paper saying I have Bipolar disorder, its sad and scary to read about spots of amnesia and memory lapses I suffered from being so far down the rabbit hole.

Next step is treatment so after some blood tests and heart scans they will be able to move me over from an anti psychotic to a mood stabiliser, either Lithium or Valproate.

Hears to the next big step in this crazy new year.




Oh and here's what we created!

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Manic Army

Caleb - ManicallyDepressed-ModeratelyFunny