Today I thought of you.

So I've been hugely busy over the past few weeks, I've been an usher at my best friends wedding, I've travelled Novigrad, Velen and Skellige and write a lot of news articles and reviews for the Nerd Stash.

Everything seems to be going in the right direction for me at the minute and then I thought of you.
'You' being the blog, Its easy to neglect and forget about when your putting so much time and effort into your passion, I'm eternally grateful to Jeremy for giving me this opportunity and I loving every minute I spend in this little gaming hub, and free games!

I love free games.

So in true 'Ive left my blog for two weeks or longer fashion' I decided to write another one updating the world with this online diary I've taken to writing.

What started the neglect was The Witcher 3: The Wild Hunt, I always new the time would come where I switched off from real life and turn Geralts story into my own. In true RPG nerd fashion that happened and its all I wanted to do for two weeks, then work got in the way and I reviewed one good game and one bad game, The bad game being a mobile port of 'Badland' it just seemed like a huge cash in to me, trying to make a quick buck by taking its mobile success and applying it to the console world, more original Xbox than Xbox One material.

The good being a weird and whacky game called 'Schrodingers Cat and The Raiders of The Lost Quark' A truly unique mechanic making this a true stand out!

Quarks are adorable also! End of.

If you haven't check out the website please do, we have multiple social media pages set up and the team works really hard to try and bring all the happening news to the readers in the own unique fashion. Creative freedom being key, if you want to write it then do it, and with the run up to E3 being four days away the excitement and nerves are running high to try and make our first expo a success.

New YouTube content has been created with affiliated sites offering sign up discounts on first purchases, we had our first Twitch stream of Hearthstone as well which was a success, also looking at creating some new content for our YouTube channel myself after practising with my few videos, so hopefully that will take off more as time goesby and Podcasts are the works, making us a fully fledged member of the gaming journalism world.

On the BiPolar side of things stuff is starting to look up for once, my medication has been altered once again and slowly but surely I'm getting back to my old self minus any sort of confidence, No longer does Risperidon rain havoc on my morning route making me one squishy faced tired sleepy head and with my Venlafaxine being upped I'm a lot more chirpier than normal, give it two more months and I'll be off Risperidone completely and it'll just be Venlafaxine and Sodium Valproate.

I'm starting to look at my diagnosis as a huge blessing in surprise, going from a hollow shell of a man with the idea and desire to write but no drive to do it and I've gone from starting a blog to working at a new company bring news and reviews to the masses, I'm completely overwhelmed by the experience especially when you have publishers and developers thanking you for the great review and quoting you in the tweet.

This quote being ' Final thoughts, I want a purple cat now' as Schrodingers Cat was a game that would have gone completely under my radar , I'm so happy it didn't though as I had a huge amount of fun with that game as well as a swift 850 gamer score to add to my now 88500 plus gamer score.

Ive neglected my Xbox One recently and playing the Smite Beta and others has made me re kindle my passion for gamer score, I might love my PS4 more but nothing will beat the gamer score, trophies just don't have the same appeal to me, even though I still try my balls off to get them.

I'm going to look at starting my Gunman Clive play through soon and finish that part of my life and story and start something new.

I'm working on a new Let's play about Donkey Kong at the minute. I Have the content I just need to find the time to edit and do it, hopefully once I start to get abit of structure in my day I can focus on getting my working life and content in check and keep on top of it.

So onwards and upwards, everything changing for the better, its just taking time.
I never thought I would feel like this 3 months ago and 3 months before that I never thought I would feel again.

My adventure is still new but growing every day and I hope you enjoy my little story today.

Also I got a sweet Dragonball tattoo on my fore arm with Kid Goku flying Nimbus around the 2 and 6 star Dragonball signifying the day I was born on, meaningful and all that jazz.

Koi Koi

Caleb ManicallyDepressed-ModeratelyFunny.

Luigi's Grand Outing

We decided that playing Super Luigi U would be a fun idea, considering I'm damn awful at Mario platformers I decided to get over my fear of death and failure and take Luigi on a grand day out in his stand alone title Super Luigi U.

What i came to learn very fast was that Luigi in fact enjoyed dying twice as much as Mario.

This video shows a hour of struggles condensed into a 11 minute video, I hope you enjoy it as I'm really enjoying creating YouTube content, Low views aside I do it for the sense of achievement it brings to know every day I'm away from work I'm still achieving things i thought i could never do, so be kind. leave some comments, like the video and subscribe if you like what you see, It would be greatly appreciated as I currently have 1 subscriber! better than none but still 1, ha.

Have a great day and i look forward to sharing more content with you soon,

Manic Army

Caleb

How about a nice cup of LiberTea?!

Todays blog update comes in the form of more YouTube content, Its starts of as a quick overview of Helldivers mechanics and core gameplay which then turns into friendly fire deaths and mechs crushing each other in a tight city map.

I should be recording some more content on Sunday swell which should be ready for Tuesday or Monday depending on the amount of material i get, so sit back, grab a coffee and watch an angry person swear at his friend a lot when it gets down to gameplay. I believe the term 'You fucking bellend' gets dropped a lot.

Thank you for your continued support as my blog continues to grow and lose followers.

Manic Army

Caleb. ManicallyDepressed-ModeratelyFunny

I blame torchlight 2.

The main Culprit.

Now Ive realised my content is starting to slow down yet again. Its gone from 7 days a week, to 5 and now between 3 and up, firstly I'm going to blame this on the combined 28 hours I've clocked on Helldivers and Torchlight 2 over this weekend.

The need to power level to level 100 is very real, 20 hours deep and currently sitting with a level 40 berserker I itch to play more.

Secondly Ive just really been struggling through out the bulk of the day to do anything, often choosing to sleep the days away and wake up late afternoon when people are around as I get terribly lonely, Most of my writing used to take place between 8am -12pm so I'm sleeping through the time I used to use to create content.

Ive been thinking about having certain days for certain types of blog,

Mondays to be game related, reviews, My thoughts on something and general discussions on the gaming world at large.

Wednesdays for my continued blogs of lets plays and other content similar to failing at a game I
choose to play.

Fridays for Overviews of the week, what I'm looking forward too, the next big release and also giving me more time in the week to right a better quality of blog.

Better than some slapped together, rushed piece of crap I force myself to publish, which i don't want to do.

Also allowing time for shooting and recording YouTube content and editing it together which also takes some time to do I might add.

This was meant to be fun and slightly informative to the people that read it, sarcastic and moderately funny, weather any of that is true I really don't know but I like to think people smile a little, its also helped me a lot to distract myself through a very troubling and hard period in my life, being diagnosed as bipolar and the struggles that come with finding the right medication and support to help you get back on track has not been a quick fix or easy task, now getting close to my 5th month out of work.

So this blog has saved my life a little recently as its done its job in distracting me a lot as Ive published over 50 blogs in total now which I'm proud of.

So I thought id just explain where I am and if there has been a dip in quality that's why, my enthusiasm still there but sometimes my depression getting in the way and taking the desire to do anything away from me.

I'm really hoping that slowing it down a step gets me back into the swing of things.

Manic Army

Caleb

Mount your Friends! Its fun.

Todays post comes in the form of another video.

We had a quick game of Mount your friends and this was the end result, an amazing game for 0.59p.

As silly as it may look its a very intense and hard to master game.
Incredibly competitive with hilarious dick swinging mechanics its a joy to play and watch.

I hope you enjoy the content that I'm creating.

sorry about the sporadic times Im posting content, I keep on deciding to sleep all day, resulting in late posts, I think I may have annoyed what small following of people I had reading as My read rate has dropped by like 70 percent recently, I don't know why?

Anyway back to the YouTube video, Enjoy.

Manic Army

Caleb, ManicallyDepressed-ModeratelyFunny.


Please subscribe and like as it means the world.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCllx1-z8fVljqoOqJ41iw-Q

This week in words, YouTube.

After last weeks less than stellar content turn around I went on a busy spree recording videos .

So i have what I think maybe two or three new videos depending on how good the last 50 minutes of content is.

So this week I shall be dropping some more video content than ever plus more of Gunman Clive's adventures.

Probably more Bipolar medical updates, content was short last week from me having the flu and then going into a very horrible depressive stage where I didn't wash for two weeks, wasn't eating and slept for three whole days. not fun for anyone!

Sorry if I'm abit to honest about my illness but its always been part of my blog, ever since I started writing these small crayon scribblings, so I like to keep the continuity up.


So please kick back and enjoy my content, please like and subscribe, share between friends and family and make a depressed soul happy.

The thought of making people laugh is what keeps me going.

I think thats everything.

Stay till the end!

Manic Army,

Caleb, ManicallyDepressed-Moderately Funny.

Youtube Channel-
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCllx1-z8fVljqoOqJ41iw-Q

Does anyone else punch themselves?

I punch myself.

Dat frustration.

It sounds completely bonkers to say out load but when my skills start to become questionable, my frustrations running high and my patience at its lowest I thump myself in the leg, sometimes once, sometimes multiple times.

Like some strange pavlovian conditioning technique, I discipline myself by unleashing unholy wrath upon my leg.

I've started to notice parts of me are more yellow than the original milky white colour they where before.

Gunman Clive is driving me bonkers, a clear contender for speed runs, it times every stage, secretly judging you after every complete level, I don't feel the need to go back and better myself, doing it is 'better' enough for me.

Link rage.

I've noticed it more and more as the weeks have past, the first time I punched myself I was Link, too anyone thats played a Zelda game its clear you've all felt that frustration, be it the whole of Phantom Hourglass or first puzzle in Spirit Tracks Zelda rage is very true.

As I've mentioned in another Zelda related blog, not being able to find that missing treasure chest is enough to go crazy.

First I kinda shake a little like Im telling myself 'did you really just do that'?!

Secondly I keep my calm and do it again.

Thirdly I try and rush my way there and die at an earlier point.

Fourthly I tell myself to calm down or I won't be able to do it.

Fifthly I close my 3DS lid only to open it seconds later like I didn't admit defeat

and if Im lucky enough to get to the sixth time and Beyond I thump my leg, like I said it could be once but I think the maximum amount of times its happened is in the five plus region.

Imagine the nail in my leg.

I used to do it when I was alone like it was my dirty little secret, then I did it in front of someone to just hear 'what are you doing' in a condescending tone.

Then I started doing it in public, when I was blogging about Clive I should say, if you've played that game you've felt my pain.

I don't know if anyone saw me raging away in the corner like I was putting up a picture. Only i'm hammering the nail in my leg with my fist.......also missing the picture.

Then it all gets foggy as I stop playing weather I've succeeded or not, normally not doing it and leaving it for another day, turning my 3DS into a useless powered brick for a few days.

I'm sure its normal.

Manic Army

Caleb ManicallyDepressed-ModearatelyFunny.

<----- Check out my YouTube video also and Subscribe for more

ManicallyDepressed-ModeratleyFunny
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCllx1-z8fVljqoOqJ41iw-Q

Online Diary, Day 1 - Bipolar Zelda.

Sorry if I got anyone's hopes up with that title I posted last week, whilst I was on the speculation train I thought it only fair to stop off at platform 3 and a Half-Life.

Ready to save the day, one crowbar at a time.

As long as people use Steam it's safe to say Half life 3 is a long way away.

It would be a nice thing to hear though wouldn't it, enough photo shop jobs on the Internet to make you think otherwise, My personal favourite being the 'Gabe' Half Life 3 image I used in that blog.

Talking of Steam I saw Tomb Raider for £2.99, absolute madness if you ask me!

Jumped aboard the Zelda train this morning, Spirit train for all you technical nerds out there, and brought a copy of Majora's Mask 3D, I then spent the whole day playing A Link Between Worlds. How odd?!

Only 2 of the seven sages left to collect, so its been a fun filled, dungeon questing day.

That adorable train!

I feel like I haven't released any proper content in a while even though I just edited content drop mark II 'I think I'm going to Spelunk"

Originally 45 minutes long I cut nearly 2/3 away to keep it in the 15 minute time frame YouTube allows.

Hopefully you'll be able to see the effort that went into making this one.

A different experience from the first video, but I hope you enjoy it all the same.

Not sure what the next video will be of and when it'll be recorded but hopefully it'll happen in the next week or two as Matt's one busy bee, I could always try being funny alone but that's just a scary thought.

Its not that scary.

Matt's also my partner in crime when it comes to creating content!

Has this become an online diary for me at the minute as I've lost any sort of direction I once had, I think it has a little, do I just stop 2 months into this project?

FUCK NO.

Documenting the mind of a Bipolar gamer and all the content he tries to create was always the idea of this blog, To do it for me, to prove I can do things no matter how scary they may seem.

My biggest anxiety actually coming from people knowing its me, Its amazing how your views can change in such a short period of time.

Now I want people to know it's me.

Create content! If not for others then for yourselves, it's rewarding to see what you can create from nothing.

I also got my Diagnosis back today from the doctor so I have an official piece of paper saying I have Bipolar disorder, its sad and scary to read about spots of amnesia and memory lapses I suffered from being so far down the rabbit hole.

Next step is treatment so after some blood tests and heart scans they will be able to move me over from an anti psychotic to a mood stabiliser, either Lithium or Valproate.

Hears to the next big step in this crazy new year.




Oh and here's what we created!

Subscribe to the YouTube -
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCllx1-z8fVljqoOqJ41iw-Q

Follow the Twitter - https://twitter.com/WinslowBateman

Manic Army

Caleb - ManicallyDepressed-ModeratelyFunny

YouTube Content, A recipe for disaster Mark II.

My Second attempt at YouTube content should be uploaded today.

Do people follow using Google +?

Hopefully people will enjoy what me and my friend Matt created

The quality of this video is through the roof compared to our first shoddy outing, stick with it! This ones better!

Please Subscribe to my YouTube Account -
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCllx1-z8fVljqoOqJ41iw-Q

Add me on the Twitter - https://twitter.com/WinslowBateman

Follow me on Google + https://plus.google.com/u/0/104409237928752502151/posts

Please feel free to comment on the blogs as well, criticism welcome!

Manic Army

Caleb, ManicallyDepressed - ModeratelyFunny!

Lets Play Bipolar.

So I'm running out of things to write about at the minute, all the balls are rolling for me to be integrated back into normal day to day life and I'm finding it harder to find the time to sit and have a good write.

Everything's better with a cat picture.

I need some true structure to these blogs and updates. I'm getting somewhat lost with what to cover and what to say. Am I moving backwards?

I think not, after a long, hard 9 year slog of being in and out of the doctors I've finally been diagnosed as Bi Polar, we've all known this for a long time but actually getting to see a psychiatrist and getting that diagnosis has been the hardest part, but finally I can say that I'am Bi Polar, hence the name!

On a different note.

I started talking to a friend about making some let's play videos for YouTube. 

Best Co-op game ever? Maybe!

We have a very methodical way of playing games, no progression until a level is 100% finished, this is wonderful and stressful at the same time, my fondest memory to date was our Ray-man sessions. 

I'd like to think our friendship was forged around this game, it's enough to make or break any couple, it just made us stronger.

What followed this was Smash Bros, in typical fashion the pupil now beats the master in this case.

Fist bumps and high fives, cheering and swearing. A running commentary of everything to come sounds like fun, all we need is a camera and it could go up in one take.

The start of something beautiful, and HD.

Hopefully I'll iron out all the kinks in my armor soon.

I started to invest some money in this venture by purchasing an Elgato HD60. I want to capture all that high definition game play, also a pod-cast microphone to add a running commentary of the stresses I'm feeling.

We also looked at another idea of recording us playing old games, in this case it was the GameCube classic Monkey Ball. we choose a mode, captured the room, no game-play due to static on the screen and us not knowing how too, we described what was happening and everything else feel into place.

Monkey Ball!

It was a very natural process, an 18 minute video was recorded over a tense game of monkey target, the aim being to roll a monkey down a hill and to hit the target, jokes went back and forth about dole's sponsorship of all things banana and how the first ball pit came about.

Hopefully I can chop it together into a shorter video and you can see the basic life of two recluse nerds having a good time reliving childhood games.

Enjoy the bad quality of sound, join my adventure as my knowledge grows and be part of mine and Matt's little adventure into the YouTube space, next time It'll be another classic game with a better microphone so you can watch as it grows into something cheap and beautiful.

Koi Koi

Caleb