The glorious return of someone that isn't very interesting. Seriously.

So where to start, well it's been a year. yup, a whole year since I lost what little mind I had, the most logical thing I could think to do was to try and pull my arms off and all my hair. Safe to say I eat medication for breakfast and dinner now, I rattle more than a maraca but my mind is in the right place so that's what matters more than anything.

I decided to start this up again, Its been a fun adventure over the past year, I've tried lots of different forms of being creative in the gaming space.

I chronicled my adventures whilst playing Shovel Knight and got some kind words and responses from the developers that worked on the game which was amazing. ( I've currently brought the game on every platform it's been released on. Wii U, 3dsxl and PS4/Vita)

I started reviewing games for a company called The Nerd Stash for a few months, my focus shifting more to reviews and news.

Lastly Twitch became a new outlet for me, Taking to it so much I couldn't juggle writing and streaming.

Plus now I have a part time job as a postman.

The benefit of the job is that I only work 5 hours a day, meaning I can sleep when I get home and stream in the afternoons. Work took more of the focus over the christmas months as we where very busy, but now with the new year ago go and things starting to get quieter I thought, why not?

So why the fuck not.

This was an outlet when I felt I'd lost everything, giving me a reason to wake up in the morning and be productive. Avenues where opened, coming full circle a year later and trying to mix all 3 together.

So I've decided to blog reviews and updates as well as streaming my favourite new and current titles.

My Twitch is  http://www.twitch.tv/fi5h5tick5/profile

I'm juggling between Bloodborne, Final Fantasy VII, Dark Souls II and some other titles I fancy.

Keeping it short and sweet like mmmmmmmmmmmmm Kirby.

Love Love

Caleb, FI5H5TICK5, Senpai Fi5h, ManicallyDepressed-ModeratleyFunny and all the other personas I currently have.

Coffee and Cigarettes

I currently have a very casual approach to life, I sleep between 12 and 18 hours a day.

What can I say, I love coffee and Cigarettes.

I take my medication when I'm suppose too, I chain smoke cigarettes and drinking black coffee like some cop from L.A.Noire.

I think about what I want from my life, I contemplate education, maybe something to do with writing? Creative perhaps? Journalistic, answering questions with questions,  never quiet getting round to answering them.


I'm unsure of so much.

Lego Batman takes some of the stress away. until I realise I need a million studs to unlock the x2 red brick and Ive just spent all my studs buying all the characters I can.

That's first world problems right there.

My problem is I'm trying to start so much, but Im never get around to finishing anything any more.

True story.

I started this blog, I'm certainly not ready to finish it. but what I am unsure of is where to go with it?!

I guess that's life. we all start it with the intention of it never ending, then it does. Be it a long time or a short time. You want to try and change as much as you can in that period of time you spend alive.

I'm certainly spending my days trying to change things, myself mainly.

This blog was a saviour, a blessing in disguise, an out for a very ill person to try get his thoughts into order. Now their in order I struggle to find them.

I run at a constant level of 'normal' and that bores me, never up, yet always down.

I find it hard to do the things I love so much, my passion somewhere else, hidden with that order.

Gone are the days I used to wake and write, gone are the days where my Mac was constantly on charge, gone are the days of my 3DS and Shovel Knight.

I need to try and change it all.

The location of said x2 stud counter.

This leads me to this blog, I kind of just picked my Mac up and started typing away. Unsure of what would happen, Time happens and over time ill people become better be it for the better or worse. That sounds horrible, normally for better, I just feel worse.

So today is the day I make an effort to blog again, to write about all those things I love and the things I love to do.

Maybe I will get back in to education and finish something for real

Or maybe ill just spend the day get that stud count up?!

Koi Koi

Caleb.

It's only been 2 f*****g weeks!

So this is one long overdue blog thats taken me two weeks to even start writing, I couldn't tell you why I got out of the habit, Ive started to be able read again, my interest in books has gone through the roof, so the time I normally spend in the morning blogging over coffee has turned into a reading hour.

Such a quality read!

Now when I say I've started to be able to read again its not that I forgot 'how' to read its just that my brains been so scrambled I found it incredibly hard to retain anything, I'd read a page and forget a page at the same time. Fucking frustrating to say the least!

But alls well and good in that vain now so Iread through Andrzej Sapkowski's second Witcher novel Time of Contempt, A quality read for anyone who likes a rich fantasy world full of politics, conspiracy, sex, violence and bad language.

My times also being occupied by a few games, My ps4 getting more playtime than ever at the minute,  The free running zombie fest Dying Light and Borderlands The Handsome Collection being my main two go to games!

The story of Dying Light is a sad one, after hours of trying and failing to get into Majora's Mask it met its match in Game for a trade in value of £35. One day i'll revisit it but for now it just wasn't doing it for me. Dying Light being its replacement, hardly a sad tail worthy of shedding a tear over.

Now I don't know if I have ever gone into details about my hobbies and likes, It obviously clear that Video games is my thing, it has been since my Megadrive days. crying at the fact I couldn't get Super Sonic, that bastard was bright yellow!

I really did cry.

I'm your typical geek, I have little to no friends, I'm becoming more overweight as the days go by, I read comics and have a love affair for anything Ed Brubaker writes, 'Sleeper' being my favourite comic I've ever read.

I love Music, I have a moderate collection of Vinyls I've collected over the last year or so.

Some of my favourite albums and also classics like Led Zeppelin III and Jimi Hendrix's Are you Experienced.

My blu ray or as I call them Uh Blay collection is now 150 strong, I try and visit the cinema as much as I can in my spare time.

Gunman Clive Part 4

I see how annoying that could be now.

STAGE 11

Dick just threw a bottle at me!

Not an actual dick, just this dick cowboy.

I celebrate by catching the bottle and jumping into the abyss, popping the cork in tandem like I'm part of the champagne circus. (35)

Dick just got me again! Again the cowboy, not a dick.

Swinging platforms 'Tarzan' me too safety, away from the PeliCANS and PeliCANTS

These damn Tarzan swinging platforms cause me problems as I fall to my death again, Are these holes just never ending? Are they dug to the centre of the earth?! One weird layed out country if you ask me! (36)

Tarzan, Professional Swinger.

I kill him this time, Learning.

Jumping into the air when a platforms moving. Not learning!

Stupid fucking peliCAN (38) (39) 

I don't wait, I miss time this Tarzan swing, I die once a fucking gain! (40) (41) (42) (43)

Its that PeliCANT that won't let me pass, like some flying feathered Gandalf.

Turns out that bastard last jump was the end of the level, 74 seconds of swinging jumps, I let my anger recede like the ocean and move on to      
stage 12.

Bouncy mushroom or mushroom trip? Ask Clive.

STAGE 12

Is that a bouncy mushroom? That's a bouncy fucking mushroom.

Standard cowboy mushroom, I think Clive's eaten one to many mushrooms today, that would be an interesting turn of events if it was all a mushroom induced trip.

I mushroom bounce into that familiar abyss once fucking more! (44) (45) 

The jump mechanic of this mushroom is actually that stressful I want to stop playing (46)

This can only get worse as I imagine half the level will be awful mushroom jumps. (47)

I do it, only to be denied by a  peliCANT (48) Its okay now, I've figured out the awful mushroom jump mechanic.

Army Ducks. Adorable, Deadly.

Now ducks are flying in back up troops, adorable, but now it adds another layer to the fight, land and air combat, I'm not ready for this!

What did I say, mushroom jumps, God damn. FUCK! I curl my toes in absolute fucking anger.

156 seconds. Thank fuck for that that.

UNLUCKY STAGE 13

I jump onto a platform, a platform that tilts all the way to the left and dumps me into the cold abyss (49) Lets try sprint across it next time.

You rock! rock pun.

Nope. (50)

Looks like I can make it across if I jump it, I successfully jump through but lose two bars of health against some bullet sprinkler.

Hello sprinkler and rock monster, how are you today?

I roll across a gap onto the back of a giant platform and into the final section of stage 13, 1 bar of health left, I'm ready to die.

I have to run on a giant boulder like some kind of Flintstone, I do this as eloquently as a brick (51)
through a glass window, running straight off the boulder and into some spikes below

I'm over this level right now, I just want it to end!

I cruise through with some serious pace, next challenge is a spinning ledge, jumping from one side to the next as it lifts me higher in the air and onto the next platform, I slide down it like a fireman's pole and die once again

(52) (53) (54) (55) (56) (57) (58) (59)

Once may have been an understatement.

When I say I die this much I genuinely mean it, I can't fucking do this today!

(60) (61) (62) (63) (64) (65)

I'm over it today, I choose to put the 3DS down instead of leaving it under a car tyre. fucking Clive.

Manic Army

Caleb ManicallyDepressed-ModeratelyFunny.

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Does anyone else punch themselves?

I punch myself.

Dat frustration.

It sounds completely bonkers to say out load but when my skills start to become questionable, my frustrations running high and my patience at its lowest I thump myself in the leg, sometimes once, sometimes multiple times.

Like some strange pavlovian conditioning technique, I discipline myself by unleashing unholy wrath upon my leg.

I've started to notice parts of me are more yellow than the original milky white colour they where before.

Gunman Clive is driving me bonkers, a clear contender for speed runs, it times every stage, secretly judging you after every complete level, I don't feel the need to go back and better myself, doing it is 'better' enough for me.

Link rage.

I've noticed it more and more as the weeks have past, the first time I punched myself I was Link, too anyone thats played a Zelda game its clear you've all felt that frustration, be it the whole of Phantom Hourglass or first puzzle in Spirit Tracks Zelda rage is very true.

As I've mentioned in another Zelda related blog, not being able to find that missing treasure chest is enough to go crazy.

First I kinda shake a little like Im telling myself 'did you really just do that'?!

Secondly I keep my calm and do it again.

Thirdly I try and rush my way there and die at an earlier point.

Fourthly I tell myself to calm down or I won't be able to do it.

Fifthly I close my 3DS lid only to open it seconds later like I didn't admit defeat

and if Im lucky enough to get to the sixth time and Beyond I thump my leg, like I said it could be once but I think the maximum amount of times its happened is in the five plus region.

Imagine the nail in my leg.

I used to do it when I was alone like it was my dirty little secret, then I did it in front of someone to just hear 'what are you doing' in a condescending tone.

Then I started doing it in public, when I was blogging about Clive I should say, if you've played that game you've felt my pain.

I don't know if anyone saw me raging away in the corner like I was putting up a picture. Only i'm hammering the nail in my leg with my fist.......also missing the picture.

Then it all gets foggy as I stop playing weather I've succeeded or not, normally not doing it and leaving it for another day, turning my 3DS into a useless powered brick for a few days.

I'm sure its normal.

Manic Army

Caleb ManicallyDepressed-ModearatelyFunny.

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ManicallyDepressed-ModeratleyFunny
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Moon Walking Trains - Gunman Clive part 3

Today's Gunman Clive update comes from a coffee shop, the coffee shop where I work, not the familiar and safe surroundings I've grown accustomed to, but still I

I'm actually sat in this Costa.

familiar setting non the less, I wonder if people will be able to see the mental strain this game is causing me.

It takes me two failed jumps and a serious being form a wolf to get in the zone, I'm not going to make it far on this run.

I dash way to fast to the left and fall straight into a spiky pit once again. (26)

I make it through the small laid out path and straight into a hobbit cowboy dwelling in a small cowboy hole, I shoot him in the face and walk on by. completely forgetting whats next I start to worry.

Death, hot steaming death is next (27) Death and Bats.

Bunny with a gun. 

Back to bat city, I jump and shoot all over the place like a bunny with a gun. I make the jump, shot a man in the gut and run through into what feels like a wind turbine chamber full of ducks?! Weird. as.
FUCK.

I eat a whole cake, like you do in cowboy times, candle included, run to the another room full of wind turbines and floating platforms, the more I think about this game the less cowboy it seems.

One scary platform ride spent running against the force of the wind and dodging giant circular saws I finish stage 8 in 141 seconds, Did I mention the left side of that room was covered in spikes.

Stage 9

Coming to you live on the trailer of a train dashing through the desert, I'm greeted by a pelican drive by shitting.

'Shit off' I blast at him, shooting him straight in the beak, I kill a man dead, shot a wolf gone and punt a duck in the neck, I decide that mans name was Noah seems as he had so many damn animals following him. (27)

Cartoon Animals!

Noah decided it best to drown me so I had to start again.

I run through the level as fast as I can, Ducking and diving along the way. Thinking very methodically every step of the way I miss judge a jump and get shot in the back by a cowboy hanging out a carriage window joker style. (28) 

I make it to what I think is the end of the level and jump in-between the connecting carriages barrel rolling down the tracks in little Clive chunks. Idiot! (29)

A nice bowl of minced Clive.

As I'm hit in the guts once more I rag doll straight onto the railway track and get turned into minced meat again.(30)

Turns out there was a room full of people after what I thought was the end, Easy work for a master cowboy like Clive, finished in 76 seconds

Stage 10 - Boss battle.

Turns out the train is a giant moon walking robot, Awesome. Terrifying!

I shoot it in its big yellow head and make more progress than I did with Elvis on my first go, Ultimately I die again through trying to figure out his attack pattern, it seems to be shoot a bomb from his chest and dodge his big robotic hands made up off wheels.

Every so often he breaths fire but thats just awesome.

Fire Breathing, Moon Walking giant robotic Train.

The best thing I can suggest is to stand on the boxes and duck the on coming punches and shot in bursts of three at his big yellow head. (31)

Lets do this this time, More positive thinking!

Nope, I die a few times in this process (32) (33) (34) 

Victory, 71 seconds and that giant moon walking mother fucker is dead.

Manic Army!

Caleb - ManicallyDepressed-ModeratelyFunny.

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Exercise my right to pick up a gun and fight - Gunman Clive part 2

Today I'm Celebrate America by watching the Super Bowl, I'm betting the Patriots will win for some weird reason, whats more patriotic than having patriot in you name?

Rugby for wimps?

Anyway I decide in my pure chill state to fire up some Gunman Clive in what I'm describing as 'Let's Play meets walk through that adds no help at all, just details of death via cute animal'

Let's do this.

Stage 6 - 19 Retries - 16 Minutes play time.

A pelican hangs around in the air later deciding to shit a bird bomb at me, feeling one with the controls I jump shot him, jumping a cliff in the process and taking out two cowboys exercising my truly bad ass gunman skills.

A saw stares me out, daring me to make the jump, I think nothing of the stupid task only to get rushed by a man on horse back straight away. I worriedly shoot  all over the screen waiting for him to make a second pass, I don't look so good now.

What gap?

I focus so much on this shooting this passing arsehole I completely miss the hole in bridge falling to death number (20) 

I start of with a far more aggressive play style this time and figure it takes between 3 and 6 hits to kill this horsemen, I  smash all four this time with out taking one hit, beast mode engaged.

Bye Bye bridge of death, hello freshly blown holes in the next bridge.

I shoot a large red barrel, blowing what I can only assume are the pieces that are meant to fly away up, I can almost taste stage 7.

Two more terrifying bridges later and multiple explosions I roll through stage 6 in 59 seconds, that's a lie, more pre judged excitement when in fact I'm greeted by two more horsemen.

I jump down a ladder and that's stage 7 in 77 seconds.

Oh fuck it I need to stop guessing and wait until I finally actually do I, Oh I do now, 80 seconds in.

Stage 7

Creepy? Fuck no.

I start this part of my adventure in an abandoned mine shaft, jumping in the only thing I can see,
I wonder if I'll spend my whole time in this mine cart?

Looks like a yes, as I go to jump out the cart as a gap appears, the cart follows me like its welded to my lower cowboy parts, legs that is.

It's almost over as fast as it began, shooting me across a level of pelicans and gunmen in opposing mine carts.

I miss time an awkward short jump and jump straight into the abyss (21) 

Lets tackle that one again shall we!

More high speed chases in mine carts making Battlefield Hardline look like child's play, I high speed my self into the abyss one more time. (22) 

Once this game kills you, it kills you a lot! FUCK IT (23)

Fuck those guys, I fly through the level in 60 seconds flat . ONWARDS!!!

                                                                                    Stage 8

Only work he could get these days.

I climb down a ladder and bitch slap a wolf in the face, I rescale the ladder to notice he's re appeared once again.

I'm more taken by the magic blocks that appear and disappear before my eyes, I wonder what I'm going to have to do with them?

JUMP ACROSS THEM.

They form together into a tedious puzzle, one appears, one is taken away, making you                
                                                                                       memories the order they appear in to get to the       next level.

As I focus on the man in front of me with a gun I lose focus and walk straight into a decent, a decent into spikes, damn times moving blocks! (24)

I manoeuvre the jumps, slap a man in the face a dash over to a tiny killer bat, I finish bats off and jump over some more spike floor finishing another bat and gunman, I'm getting good at this now, I miss judge the jump and eat spike salad once again, No more!

That's a wrap.

Manic Army

Caleb.

The Games I'm Most Hype For! Part II.

So where's part two of your list Caleb?

Why here it is in all it's glory.

The buster sword in all it's glory.

After a few days away from the computer I decide it's back to the list of games I'm most hype about, Number 7 on that hype train is an old game but a die hard classic.

Probably one of the most loved games of all time, tying in with the number 7, can you guess yet? That's right it's none other than Final Fantasy VII. 

The master of RPGs in my eyes and the best Final Fantasy in the franchise, nothing can contain my excitement for playing it one last time, getting trophies along the way.


Number 8 and the end of Rocksteady Studios Arkham Trilogy.

Does my butt look big in this?

Batman Arkham Knight starts one year after the events of Arkham City and follows Batman at the top of his game ready to confront the Scarecrow who has returned to Gotham City in a bid to unite the Dark Knights enemies together and knock Bats socks off.

Basically I wanna fly around a 1080p city serving up ice cold bat justice.

Not long left to wait as this journey will start June 2nd.

Batman Arkham Knight ACE Chemicals Trailer  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cu19oAr8Wkw

Another Nintendo Title on my small list of games is number 9 The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask.

Hey Link, how many adventures have you been on? 

I may only be a new fan of the world of Hyrule but I've never had a down day playing any of Links adventures, some finished and some still in motion, I'm excited to get another fan favourite remastered for the excellent handheld unit that is the Nintendo 3DS more of link and his adventures is always a good thing and the second Zelda game on the list!

The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask Trailer - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3DqUTkMsVnw

The next game I'm excited to play for a lot of reasons, One being that some kind of remastered bundle will come out before so i get to play all 3 Uncharted titles before I get to play number 10 Uncharted 4: A Thief's End.

The Last of us in a Meme.

A lot of me wants to see how Naughty Dog can one up every other game on the planet, when it comes to technical ability and life like characters that is.

I think Naughty Dog and it reminds of a meme i once saw, I'm going to go find it now.

So do I count this as a One and a hyperthetical number Two, I think so.

Now I haven't played any games in this series but I was still blown away by the trailer and that is Hideo Kojima's whacky master piece  Metal Gear Solid and my number 2015, Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain.

That transformation.

There is a reason for that though, firstly tank controls are horrible on the HD collection I own and I never had a PS3 to play Metal Gear Solid 4 man with a patch for an eye.

Them graphics! It looks like a world I could truly get lost in, also losing my patience along the way.

If I don't get those awesome stealth kills down to a tee I will declare the game broken.

So there it is, my small list of 2015 games I want in the year of 2015, also I can't count.

Koi Koi

Caleb

Gunman Clive - King for a day

Clive the gunman.

I start this adventure on normal, Gunman Clive's adventure that is, clearly not skilled enough for hard I settle in the middle, I can always start it again and change the difficulty.

Clive, Gunman Clive is my character of choice, why you ask? Because it's his name in the title not Ms. Johnson.

The story is simple, Ms. Johnson has been kidnapped, so I kill everything I see in a testosterone fuelled rampage. Take that stall. Fuck you chair.

The lay outs simple also, 4 checkpoints and a boss battle are shown on my bottom screen, my boy Clive standing above. B is jump and Y is shoot, that's it, It;s go time Clive.

Check these details out, I jump on a box and shoot a man in his cowboy hat. Boo Yah, what follows is probably the single most violent image I have ever seen of a cowboys shin splintering to pieces and blowing apart due to the sheer power of Clive's revolver.

That hardy Duck.

More like a 2D gunman falls over and turns to smoke.

I jump on a duck and it hurts me, now I don't want a reverse Zelda situation so I leave him to his business and cap the 3 o'clock square in the mush.

I can shoot in a straight line and that's that, to kill targets that are above me I need to get to their level, I climb some more handy crates and blow up more shins, more ducks appear.

Not to self: Ducks are harder than cowboys.

I eat bullet and take one square to the gut. Yep, this is like shovel knight. (1)

Four hits and you die, I take 3 trying to rush straight in, the key here is to time to bullets and jump over them, using gaps in firing time to dominate and land that all important hit.

I die in the exact same place again (2)

This cake isn't.

I make quick work of the 3 targets as I know where there situated. Trail and error, It gets to the point where you can run the level with your eyes closed, if you die enough times.

One giant slice of cake and a random wolf attack later I pass a checkpoint and walk into stage 2.

I'm weirdly attracted to this little grey opening, what is it? Why its a cowboy in a hole! Fucker made me jump, if only I could shovel drop people.

I try and jump from roof top to roof top like a ninja cowboy, turns out I just fall to my 2D death. (3) 

I speed on past the roof top, this time landing the jump successfully, a few overly nervous jumps later and I'm safe.

I can see this taking a while as I'm surrounded by killer cowboy ducks.

We killed him instead.

A wolf named Bill jumps into view trying to sell me some moonshine, I decline by lodging a bullet in his wolf head, damn lone wolfs,didn't you know you get nowhere with an attitude like that.

I shoot another duck in the beak bringing up the end of stage 2, 90 seconds, 90 seconds of turtle heading.

Now there's pelicans that drop bombs, they also turn into black smoke when they die, I feel like Mr Echo, this being my western lost timeline.

What follows next is the introduction of 'tilt' platforms, their course is outlined in front of me via dotted line, It's my job to stand on one side  moving the platform and killing any pelican, duck, wolf and cow-person the game can throw at me, I do so like a boss for two of these, three enemies in and I'm starting to worry about my curiously low health bar and the fact I'm only quarter of the way into this stage.

I realise once the platform gets to the end of its designated journey it falls into the nether, it takes me with it this time. (4)

I sail on by. No trouble this time, I get shot in the butt and die again, damn it (5)

Killer circular saws are now in front of me, the forces of evil getting stronger and harder the further I advance into the map.

She has the power of Tits and Saws.

Do they have a sorceress or something because it's floating in mid air all by itself.

Now there's killer Bunny rabbits as well that bounce over large distances of the level and tail drop me, I feel like I've annoyed a farm of highly intelligent farmyard animals.

Twist in the plot, Evil crocodile stole the princess, you heard it from me first.

I flow through the level, one with the controls , bunnies are nothing to me, even when they do come flying across the map at me. I'm so confident ducking, shooting and running on through the map I make a huge mistake when killing a guy. I stand in his bullet trail left after he dies (6)

Falling floors, easy work. Stationary cowgirl, Deadly! (7)

54 seconds it takes me to speed run this part with out dying, I wonder to myself what spooky animal I'll fight as it clearly wont be a human.

Elvis Presley with a mini gun makes exceptionally quick work of me! (8)

Elvis's next hit is called bullets.

And again, Bastard! (9)

What the fucking fuck, this guy is actually crazy hard (10)

I'm getting tired of this. (11)

What follows next is actually painful. (12) (13) (14) (15) (16) (17) (18) (19) 

Should I put this on easy? If I die 30 times I really am!

What, I killed him, 50 second battle. 12 deaths in total from him, Fuck you!

You ain't the king no more.

Koi Koi

Caleb

2015, The year I forgot to post a list of games on the internet for people to read, again.

2015, That's the year.

Witcher 3 hype is very real in my world..

Also the amount of games I'm about to list for your joy and my excitement.

Shall I use numbers, yea why not. Everyone loves the odd list of numbers don't they.

Now I'm excited for a lot of games this year, some I'll re lose the ability to speak over when social life killers like The Witcher 3:Wild Hunt comes out, oh ad that's number 1, do I need to explain why I'm so excited for it. 

Those of you that read my blog might have a slight inkling into why I'm going to lose my brain over this game, A huge fan-boy of Polish author Andrzej Sapkowski story of Geralt of Rivea, follows is all the shit an ultimate monster killing bad ass can get up to, not to mention the amount of nudity, violence, corruption and beheading's!

Like Game of Thrones but not shit, I believe that's settled any argument we could have, also did I mention it's an amazing game franchise and the final piece of Geralt's story? Unlike the Game of Thrones game, which was also SHIT.

The Witcher 3:Wild Hunt - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZ_G6XiHoUA

The secret order of moustached men and woman.

Secondly, that's number 2 if you didn't know is The Order:1886. The story following a group of old order knights that keep the world safe from a horrible breed of monsters, Half man, half beast. Like me.

The Humans outnumbering the cool looking beasts, but being on the back foot due to the Monsters brute strength. awesome, with futuristic weapons and huge moustaches, what's not to love in this stylish 3rd person shooter. 

Also I've played it and its sick! Visually next level also.

We love you Kirby.

The Order:1886 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_7SbgvtBDCQ

On the more visually colour intense scale we have number 3 my Boy Kirby and the Rainbow Curse, Claymation! That's all you need. just look at this and tell me your not sold.

Kirby and the Rainbow Curse - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_QrlwnHbkc

No list is complete without a Zelda entry, number 4, Link's first journey on the new hardware since 2013'S 3DS release The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds. We love you Wii U

The Legend of Zelda Wii U - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0y4hv62YEw

Try and tell me bad things now, I can tell you know that game will be pure joy, and also controller crushingly puzzling.

Can I just put a bunch of YouTube links in a row and it'll explain it's self?

No , I'll use good old brain and language to communicate my emotions to you over these visual delights, so how many is that? 4, only another 2011 to go. True story. Go time

Coming in at number 5, in no particular order, just what pops to mind is Yoshi's Woolly World.

What is he?

Another game that's just an absolute feast for your eyes, also a cooperative game in that ever popular Mario format, you play as everyone's favourite lizard dinosaur Yoshi, I've been lucky enough to play this with a friend at EGX, he spent half the time eating me, shitting me out and firing me across the map like a knitted mess, wicked cool, here's that link you want.

Yoshi's Woolly World - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vR8EHatIIE

Jesus Christ it's more beautiful than I remember

I'll split this wonderful blog into a two parter, why you ask? that's not cool! Well I'd like to think your checking out the video's and getting as excited as I do over some of the best releases of the year, in my eyes!

So the last one on this short list and number 6 of 2015 is Halo 5: Guardians, now we all love master chief and his adventures across planets, solar systems and time and space it's self, this time introducing another Spartan name Locke his sole purpose is to find Sierra 117 and trade concrete with him, riveting stuff!

Also looking forward to casually playing more than my fair share of Online maps and cooperative multiplayer the way I think every Halo game should be played.

Halo 5: Guardians - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0YkQ4YKOSw

Spartan Locke.

So I hope you enjoyed a brief look at some of my most anticipated games of the next year, obviously there's to many to name so I've chosen a small handful, comment on what your looking forward to and if you think I've missed some important ones!

Remember though there is a part 2 coming soon.

Koi Koi

Caleb

It's one of those blogs

I try and blog most days.

I've stopped my vigorous 7 day blogathon as I was sat at my laptop most of the time writing and posting and not playing games, not that I don't enjoy doing that, I just didn't want to ruin something I'm enjoying so much.

Worst poster ever!

If I have no time to play games then what do I write about?

So I toned it down a little, giving myself weekends to write away and play all day ready for the weekday posts.

Friday has become a kind of overview day for me, what I finished, If anything! What I hope to achieve?! If anything again.

I seem to be averaging around 3 games a week, I'm on target again this week

I said good bye to 'Thatgamecompanys' Colourtastic feelz-fest Flower, Cracking on some Bon Iver and being in a very happy place for a few hours.

Dem Feels.

I finally finished Halo Combat Evolved and move on to the very sexy Halo 2 and last but not least Dust, I say that, I'm on the last boss as I type, hoping to achieve that wonderful Gold Trophy for completion on Tough.

2 days later edit, Infamous Firstlight is another game that I decided to put on my done pile, still the odd trophy I can go back for and get when I want to go on a mindless neon fuelled rampage.

Brought the wonderful Guacamelee and saints row IV re-elected, the pile grows as it get s smaller.damn you cheap digital downloads, Guacamelee being all of £4.00

I made a start on my Bayonetta 2 journey, finishing the first few levels in a 3 hour frenzy of coffee and combo's.

I also continue my travels across Hoenn Region with my  'Now' bedtime game Pokemon Alpha Sapphire

Do you get the title now?

The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds also saw a dungeon quest solved and now moving onto my third sage piece, excited to rekindle my love for that game and cross that title off the shortening list.

My first documented Isaac run was a disaster! Major doubts on weather I can keep my cool with a game that has no checkpoints or saves.

I recently put together a Tumblr account as another social hub, a safe haven blogs and geek related imagery, I like it quiet a lot after a day of surfing around on there, I can see it fast becoming a favourite. Even if it is hard to manage 5 different accounts for posting the blog on!

Also had an amazing day on Wednesday achieving 103 reads in one day, so nice to see if grow from 20 a day to between 50 - 70 and now hitting the triple figures, next stop the world! All in my first month as well.

Cheers Ireland.

24 views coming from Ireland! So thank you Irish people, you made my day and I hope you enjoyed.

Don't be a stranger, leave comments,

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Formats! woop.

Koi Koi

Caleb

Typing away in the dark

Kind people.

So this week I achieved the impossible, I finished Shovel Knight! You're probably bored of me harping on about this game but it truly is something special, I claim games are 'Broken' when I die more than 5 times on a single level, I'm not use to being that bad at games.

My patience tested every step of the way, my 3DS a redundant brick at one point, days avoiding it.

All for an experience I will always remember, funny things is when I run through it a second time levels that took me 50 minutes are now taking me 6 minutes.

The Guys and Girls at Yacht Club Games where even kind enough to tweet me saying 'Amazing to see your adventure documented in such detail! Thank you for the unique perspective on it all, We've seen some players soak in their first run for much longer than 14 hours and just shy if 200 deaths is none to shabby!'

So I'm a happy geek at this moment in time.

Damn, she's a sexy witch.

I tied up some lose ends last week by finishing Sunset Overdrive and other games so I traded a few in to start my Bayonetta 2 journey, Sexy she witch she is!


I impulse brought Super Mario Galaxy 2 when the digital download released at £8.99, mega deal for a game widely regarded as one of the best ever. Me missing a lot of Wii's original titles being a Call of Duty nerd, so I'm looking forward to the journey ahead of me, Yoshi for the win! I wonder if I'll see the Captain?

5 hours this weekend dedicated to Mario Kart 8 with some close friends was also an awesome experience, In my mind the Wii U is such a perfect console to play with people of any age and any skill, fun every step of the way, Charming and simple to pick up.

We all take it super serious!

I treated myself to FarCry 4 as a '2 years sober' gift, It now sits in the pile of Ubisoft games currently at 20% completion

Another Quiet week for my chief dust collector Xbox One, Evolve Beta has been downloaded which is pretty cool, excited to see the full extent of what Turtle Rock Studios can conjure up, a huge fan of the original Left 4 Dead.

Hours spent Co-op Running it with 3 friends, screaming at the fact I killed a witch by accident with a shotgun, unlocking an achievement in the progress, my favourite! Mocking my dear friend that can't play Shovel Knight as he couldn't do it when he tried, me doing it in a drunken state.

Still awaiting the return of brother dearest to join my Halo Campaign! Reality is I'll have to ask Matt to join me in a day long session playing as much as we can.

Not so sexy witch.

Path of Exile, My new mindless grind game, I tell myself 1 hour, It let's me out of it's trance 6 hours later, plus I got my little brother involved, don't know if that's a good thing or not?

A new chapter also begins this week, the response was incredible, all 5 of you voting on what game I should play next, The clear winner being The Binding of Isaac: Rebirth with a mind blowing  4 VOTES. Incredible, I'm quiting my day job.

So expect that at some point in the future, not sure how I'll document it yet, as I play it will become clear to me.

Day job.

That's it I think?!

I'm not going to make it sound like I lead an interesting life because as you can see I clearly don't

Koi Koi

Caleb

Shovel Knight 11 - The End is Nigh.

Back once again to the Troupple pond for some freebie potions, this shall be my final visit and final battle.

Cheap horror movie.

I enter the castle greeted by walls surrounding me, I shovel drop a brick and everything falls away, I fall with it taking me three floors down onto a very shady looking platform, lava underfoot taunting me with cries for help, the room smells of hot death, I'll be adding to that shortly.

Plus why does my house smell of death? I'm playing a game not in some cheap horror movie, I'd call it 'Nintendo 3.Dead.S', spooky.

Did I speak to soon, the platform just started 'flinging' its self at me, politely pushing me in said lava along the way. (165) (166) (167) 

I jump all the blocks being delicately thrown at my face till a hole appears in the hall, I jump through to what I think is safety when in reality I just fall down another 3 levels of pure darkness onto another sketchy looking platform.

The level seems to be building around me a lot like in bastion, only this time I'm not an angry kid smashing stuff in a beautifully painted world, I'm a shovel Knight in a wonderful 8 bit world, or 16
bit, probably 16 bit now I think about it.

Either way I still feel hugely uncomfortable knowing death is one miss placed shovel foot away, I get uncomfortable in the process of thinking this and fall to death number (168) 

Bastion.

This time I get all comfortable in the lava as I stumble a jump and bash my head on a platform like a complete twat.

I don't think you could die on this part if you fucking tried, ughhhhh. (169)

Mo lava, Mo death. (170) 

Painful to watch timed jumps into nothing appear next as the block appears underfoot after every jump, leaving no room for error, every jump now a shaky nervous one.

I run across a giant platform as it builds around me, floating lamps popping on as I run past them. Hello checkpoint my old friend! does this mean its time for the boss battle?

Fuck yea it does, as I run into the castle readying a bitch slap for this lady its straight to business as she flies away and starts the attack, If I try shovel drop her and land on the platform it falls away from me, could prove tricky as I love that move.

(171) (172) Like I said, I love that move.

I manage to get her down half health before I start to struggle but I'm currently up on health, bet I have to beat her more than once, just to make it that little bit more unbearable.

(173) Falling's peaceful.

2 Orbs left and............she dead!

Large enemy appearig from a wall.

I catch Shield Knight as the ENCHANTRESS dies.

Shovel Knight Claims he would have come sooner had he known.

Shield Knight lays on the sob story as she never gave up, I did though, I remember leaving my 3DS for days, avoiding the 8 boss battle, I want to tell her this part but I can't.

Soon as they claim to both be weak from the battle a large enemy appears from within the walls, I hope we both battle it as I'm rather scared of dying and having to do it all over again.

Also, Called it!

Toast break, Marmite if your wondering.

Marmite on toasted bread, true story.

Luckily when I die straight away the game launches me straight back into this boss battle, thank Shovels for that (174)

I have to tag team her with Shield Knight, using her shield to bounce in the air, Shovel dropping her in the face as I glide through the air like an air devouring sex tornado. Blades of glory, great quote!

I Shovel drop her head into absolute oblivion keeping my cool as I dominate this final boss battle, nothing coming close to the Battle Royale in chapter 10.

Shield Knight states the obvious 'We need to get out'

Staring Shovel Knight and Shield Knight.

The ENCHANTRESS tries one last blow and wounds Shovel Knight, Shield Knight jumps in the way like a bodyguard and saves him from the final blow.

Black Knight appears now?! apparently its a party not an escape, but what's this he drags Shovels to safety! Shield Knight sacrificing herself in the process to save the day.

The newly named Slag Knight cries as she's so happy to see them both, Bitch.

Black Knight promises to save McShovels as the castle falls down and restores good to the world.

He throws me next to a fire and fucks off.

Roll Credits.















Written by Caleb Bateman.
Played by Caleb Bateman.
Toast supplied by Grandma.


194 Deaths

13:33:27 Total play time



Did you stay till the end before clicking away?

Good because turns out Shield Knight escaped and sits next to McShovels, Hero's always get the girl.

Also probably one of my Greatest gaming achievements to date.

This game was hard!

But I had the most fun playing it and want to say congratulations to Yacht Club Games for making this amazing game, hopefully it's got you intrigued, like my friend we shall not mention, also it took him 80 minutes to not finish the 3rd level in the game!

Koi Koi

Caleb.