Pig Masks and Bitches.

In what direction does a direction less blog go?

I'll go that way.

Do I cover news on a weekly basis and put my thought and spin on the whole situation?

Do I cover certain platforms on certain days?

Some formats I've found are popular, My hands on experience with games being one, The future of things to come and my failings and success's as a budding platformer.

I want this blog to grow but I'm clueless on how to go about it.

Beta's are always fun to review but their never a weekly thing, hence why I try and cover as many as I can, just encase you're not lucky enough to try them. I've also emailed to play some closed Beta's like the Fable Legends Multiplayer Beta but just have to see if I get sent a code. I'm good at the waiting game, Not.

Send me that code so I can mock your game. maybe

Also Xbox's Games with Gold and PlayStation Plus title's are a good way to give a person a look at the game before they kill there download limit for a game they might hate, some games I've downloaded for free only to instantly delete them ten minutes later, Road not closed being one of them.

Still haven't typed up my 'Swapper' review yet but I have till the end of the month to do that, but again that boils down to between 2-4 a month.

I like to think I'm opinionated, I always feel passionately about the subject and try to have a reason behind my every thought process, never one to jump on the bandwagon, I feel I have an honest outlook on the pressing issue be that a good or a bad thing.

I again can't thank the people that have been reading this enough because it really has been a saviour for me when I was in a very dark period of my life.

I remember this 'Meh' Film though.

Going from working all the time to being to sick to talk, to tired to sleep, not eating and not being able to remember 6 weeks of my life, I struggled to watch  films as I couldn't remember what happened. Three months off sick is a lot more boring than it sounds, I feel distant from the outside world and this has been a creative venture I never thought I'd ever pursue.

To have just under 2000 views in my first month, first day I posted was a month ago, is literally an incredible response for me! Even if it is just me and my mum refreshing the page over and over again.

It makes me feel really good, that someone might like my posts and take something away from them.

Be it just a few laughs or an actual purchase of a game I like to think I have a very strange format of reviewing games as I don't go for the numbers approach, That way you don't just scroll to the number with out seeing the process.

My reviews are an A4 page of facts, laughs and game play.

If you have a sense of humour like mine and an open mind I like to think you'll end up at the same place I do.

Just because I like it though doesn't necessary mean you will as well, but if I cover all the bases then I might touch on what you like and go from there.

I might just start condensing pocket sized nuggets of  internet down into more manageable bites

This whole blog coming from some drafts that  never saw the light of day.

Does the title make sense now?

Hotline Miami seemed like a solid idea in my head but in reality it was awful, You die to much, you spend more time writing what just happened and 3 seconds later you die again doing the same thing. The title was awesome though 'Pig masks and bitches'. on the other hand it would make for awesome game play videos.

I need to find a new platformer like Shovel Knight to cover, Like Mega man, pay day purchase.

Please comment and follow and let me know! How does one improve if the problems and ideas are not communicated back to him?

I do think I've found a possible candidate though, whilst surfing the 3DS E store I stumbled across a bunch of Critically acclaimed games to play on 3DS. One was a £1.99 gem called Gunman Clive about a gunman called Clive trying to shoot his way to the mayors daughter, I think.

Clint Eastwood's adaptation coming early 2017

I managed to die once on the first level and you start the whole section again, that's the winning format I love so much.

Koi Koi

Caleb

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Shovel Knight 7 - The Halo 5 Beta

So I start today's Shovel Knight experience staring at a 94.5% Halo 5 Guardians Beta Installation progress bar not moving, it's nearly been 2 hours I think?! FUCK it,
we all know Shovel Knight is better than Mr Chef.

Hello download my old friend

9.44 am -  Today's Music choice is MGMT, I think to myself this wont last 5 minute's, then I'll be back on the Slipknot.

I toy with the idea of going to the FLYING MACHINE - Lair of the Propeller Knight, then I see a rogue looking knight on the field.I could do with some more man purse coins this morning, mana also. Let's be honest I just want to kill something.

Halo 5 Beta just downloaded! 2 hours of waiting, 95% and it's finally done.I click Go, It tells me  "Slow down Caleb, have another 7.7GB download" I stare at the screen, as it quickly loads to 8%

Remembering better days

Oh I'm definitely shoveling this knight up now, It's not a straight up fight though, my 'flaming blob' and 'Joust Knight's' senses tingling.

This is your fault Halo 5 Beta, things could have been so simple if you would have loaded first time round.

Either way I clean up and claim a giant chest O gems, still its not over yet, the levels flashing lightning, I need to be careful every step of the way.

I see more canon fodder in the background, Easy, Just jump-shot the two stranded skeletons and run on through.

Last option on the map, FLYING MACHINE it is then.

I see this being the shortest and most stressed session, why I hear you scream at your screens whilst eating cereal, as I've replaced your daily newspaper?! Well because all I see is floating ships and bounce jumps to floating ladders.

Its Raining Shovel Knights

My brain flashes forward 5 minutes and all I hear is 'Its raining Shovel Men'

Even better, so these weird jelly fish die once you bounce on them. I pre raise the stress bar to a level 3 just to be safe.

I climb into the next area, jump on a ledge, it falls from beneath me. This also happens with the next three, the last one adding a well executed timed jump to the mix because you know, dying.

Now the jelly fish have a complete outer layer of lightning to make things that little bit more unbearable.This game means business, I can only imagine what future terrors lay ahead in worlds to come.

Future Terror

It's all about perfectly timed shovel hits and deadly precision with every jump as the wind carries me along. I get through orbs intact.


This room decides to up the fun by adding walls which enemies can hide behind, also McShovel's, so I'm now some what blind half the time.

When I feel them rogue blasts

As I float to the next area I get cracked in the side of the helmet by a wizard's rogue blast.
I blast the fucker back, simple.

Wind is carrying me across the level now, making everything twice as fast and
tense, some hooded fellow comes over to check if I'm okay, I whack him dead just to be safe.

I continue to sail through the level using the wind to my benefit and fly straight into bed with the lovely Checkpoint number 1.

Now Joust Knights are more aerial in there attacks as one casually flies over and bops me on the head, I reply by bopping his head clean of his bopping shoulders.

GIANT CANNONS. I jump upon one and elegantly glide into the next area and take shelter in a bed of spikes (93) I decide this time before I go into this room I'm just going to war horn everything dead, This please's me, as does the ever growing Halo 5 Beta screen, sitting at 79%

Clearly distracted by this I jump straight into an area, greeted by a floaty Knight, Angry, I bash him dead at his sudden arrival. I then war horn the rest of the newly named 'Green Lanterns' into lucky charms causing the place to
look like an 8 bit murder scene.

Lucky charms picure

Holy Jebus there's propeller mice now not clockwork ones!Super cute

STOP EVERYTHING HALO 5 BETA HAS DOWNLOADED, come on Checkpoint 2. Just remember to not rush, I rush, that brings up (94)

I was so sure I had it, damn it. I don't make the same mistake twice as I power through straight into the side of a flying boat full of Armoured Knights, They make crude signs at me from the safety of distance and flying longboat.

Look, longboat in the sky,shame about the rude passengers.

I get lucky and kill it with half an orb of health left and that's checkpoint 2 and Beta time, I decide against beta time and power through two areas I don't remember and that's checkpoint 3. NO shit.

I mess the first green lantern up only to be messed up by the second. (95)

I call it break time as this beast of a level is a 6 check pointer and the screen is currently screaming 'LET'S GO!'

No shit, That's what it say.

Kirby Style

Caleb

This all took place during and throughout the ongoing Halo 5 Beta

See my Halo 5 Beta blog - Live.Die.Repeat

Halo 5 Beta - Live.Die.Repeat

I got your back bro, maybe.

I see a beautiful Halo 5 Guardians image when I hit play, 

Pre release software notice flashes up, OK.

Enter huge image of planet

'Halo 5 Guardians' Arena Multi player Beta.

Welcome to the Halo 5:Guardians Multi player Beta! Battle it out in slayer across two different maps: Truth and Empire.

Cooooooooooooooooooooool , Lets Go!

I believe my front room looked like this.

Fuck me I'm excited, Past memories of days lost to all forms of halo multi player, Fondest memory being with halo 4. My parents had just gone on holiday, so what does a man child in his

20's do with a free house?!

Facebook Party? Fuck no.

 He rings up some of his closest buddies, arranges 3 flat screens to be set up in his front room (all across form each other for optimal viewing and playing
experience) Hooks up the Xbox's, 3 copies of Halo 4 and loses hours to multiplayer.

There appears to be Spartans standing around a control unit and some space themed stuff going on, I take it all in.It's pretty and already feels familiar through music and tone alone.

A huge image of a Spartan getting kicked in the back pops up, 'Assassination' (I know you used that voice!)  Awesome.

HUG TIME.

Today's Featured playlist is Slayer (also said in that voice we all know)

4 v 4 Team - Weak One featuring Assault Rifle starts.

Looks to me like they will be changing it up a lot over the next few weeks as the Beta started on the 29/12/14 and ends on the 18/1/15 or until 1/18/15 but I've never heard of a year being that long before?!

I click start and it fires me straight into a loading lobby after what feels like 3 seconds it pairs me with 6 other eager participants, annoyingly though we sit in that lobby waiting for mystery guest player  to join and set us moving forward, but who really cares.Beta! It encounters a problem and farts me out of the lobby.

10 seconds later I'm in a lobby with 7 other guys/girls clearly not at work or 11 and waiting for the match to start.

First Map is Empire - 12 Minute Rounds, 50 kills to win.

I thought I clicked duck, not dog.

I die whilst adjusting myself to the buttons, I recover with a kill and act like nothing happened, my Spartan currently dancing to himself in one corner spinning.

I realise the pace has been upped again as I'm killed once more, Instantly I know I'll be on this for a few hours, which for me never lasts with FPS games, I get so far in then get bored, Destiny being the first FPS to come to mind, level 29, character stood in the tower collecting dust for Christmas.

I dart around making it hard for them to hit me, great addition adding thruster boosts at the tap of a B button. So great in fact I die. I won't add a running count like Shovel Knight because this could get out of hand. I try power Barge this thug in front of me, he turns me into a Spartan pancake.

Spartan Nanosuit reporting for duty 

It weirdly reminds me of Crysis 2s Multiplayer

Power Weapons spawn on the map causing your team to flood to one area to secure it, also forcing conflict as the two team thrash it out for the rather overpowered sniper rifle. This is where the team play dynamic dominates and the run and gun lone wolf play style fails as your met by multiple foes,which 9/10 leads to death and we don't like that.

Note to self, Sniper Rifle isn't 'dirty', It drops in 30.

First match over and we lose by 4 deaths , Stellar 4-9 by me in that match

I put this down to me trying to get a feel for the controls as the newly added smart scope takes charge of your main left trigger (which I love by the way) and the power assisted boost dominates the B button, I often went to crouch shoot Spartans with deadly precision, only to be flung  into their view via a rogue power assist boost and then hearing my team mates scream 'Xbox, record that'

About to boost into view

The newly upped super pace of the Halo 5 Beta is a welcome addition in my eyes, Halo could be slow on huge maps with people hogging there sniper rifles and choosing to pick away at the enemy team instead of actually play them. Not on this game, the map is small and industrial and you never truly feel like you can stop with out there being another enemy only a radar blip away

With regards to the newly added smart scope I like it, you don't have to use it.You can still charge around.

 That extra 5-10 percent increase it gives you makes the accuracy of the pistol deadly. but your quickly reminded again not to stand still for to long.

smart scope

The radar completely disappears from view when you engage the smart scope leaving you somewhat vulnerable to assassination attempts from behind, when taking damage and fully immersed it kicks you back into the world helping you flurrying all your shots up the wall with the assault rifle, accuracy also following you out the window with the smart scope.

I don't know if its because I'm paying attention but named areas now appear above your radar, no doubt to help team mates locate you quickly, find objectives and change the flow of game play,I encounter this in one match where we went from being 30-41 and over all winning 50-49.

All it took was coordination.

I dare you to say I look like Destiny bra

I'm reminded that when your 'team' doesn't play the team based game with you things often turn from bad to worse very quickly, often leaving me in 12 minute matches of 'Live.Die.Repeat'

You can spot every run and gun hungry C.O.D player straight away by there ability to rage quit when things go south and then it's me left in a happy 10 minute game of Predator, me being a slice of cheese on the floor ready for the kill, The other 4 players cat and mousing me round this very circular map

The whole experience going full circle on it's self

Live.Die.Repeat.

Kirby Style

Caleb