A half painted portrait of a glass half full.

Hey kids, lets do something fun today. Lets learn about me, a 27 year old failure that's destined for a life of nothing, with the imagination to be something and the promotional skills of that football team you haven't heard of, exactly, that made no sense, why? because you haven't heard of them and that's the point I'm getting to.

I can't sell myself, maybe like that, but probably not because I'm getting fat in old age. I convinced someone far to beautiful and clever to marry me, so much so when I proposed I told her I was miserable but the only person I wanted to be miserable with was her. Charmer right! Get in line.

So why this post? Because every so often I realise I'm a wasted talent, and how do I know that? because I tend to know more about games than the people working in the games stores. I consume so much media in the subject it frustrates me that I have no way of sharing it with anyone. I talk at my partner, 'At' being the key word in that small sentence.

So for probably the fourth or fifth time in my life I had a 'Fuck it' moment and decided to try all over again. Now I've suffered a lot in the past two years, I'm incredibly open about the subject matter because I don't let my illness define me, until it defines me and I become a living nightmare, but after that experience and years of being told to express myself I wrote a blog, It was terrible, badly spelt and I can't even remember what it was about, but after all that I'd done it.

Seems as this is a relaunch like Marvel Now or DC Rebirth I'll fill you in with the fact I'm Bipolar. Don't know what that is? Google it. It's awful. I love it.

Step one done, It had been read, when I logged in the next day not just once but actually 100 times in total, that blew my already blown up mind.

My anxiety of expressing myself had disappeared as I'd taken a step, a baby step but an incredibly theraputic one, an incredibly brave one. It helped me so much over an awful period in my life where I felt lost and helpless, an outlet for an incredibly frustrated, outspoken and anxious person. I stuck too it for months, I kept at it for months, every day, every other day, every week, once a month, now.

Now in that time i'd had some experiences with different things, all hugely positive but then the defining illness came and fucked me hard and forgot the lube. I was writing for an American website, a start up. I covered news and reviews for games, I adored it. I stopped.

Twitch, oh man was it addictive! I got to be myself on camera and people loved it, I played games, I got angry I gained a small gathering of 300 followers in 2 months. I stopped.

So when I was fucked by illness my brain shut down, basic things are impossible, all my aspirations and dreams fall away from me and reality becomes a dream. Life is better when your living in your own deluded brain, Joke all you will about Bipolar. Every person I've ever told has no fucking clue what it is. They tell me to smile and get over it.

I remember thinking someone was in my house and saw them in the kitchen, I remember trying to jump out of a car on a dual carriageway, being under 24 hour care, every time I was in public I wanted to run in front of a car and just fucking end it. I remember everything being brighter and talking so fast and nothing making any sense, I remember being awake for a week, I don't remember my brain being put under so much of an emotional beating that according to my psychaitrists record I had Amnesia for 6 weeks. I'll smile and get over that alright, sure my family where thinking the same thing whilst going through that experience. Thrown into the mix whilst this is going on is an addictive personality that over consumes everything and over analyses every small detail.

100% or 0%. I have no in between. I stopped.

Here we are again, after stopping when things were going the right way for me I decided to start again, I know right. Does it matter? Will I do it all over again? Maybe, but I have to try.

So what will I be doing? Well I'm obsessed with Gaming. I want to write about it, how? However I feel relevant. Reviews, discussions, very informal and all over the place like a Childs story. Mostly on a wall in crayon. I'm also interested in discussing my illness, games, routine and how to manage things when they seem impossible.

Basically I want to be blunt and honest with myself and everyone else, It might be polarising and not for everyone, but every time I have an opinion on a matter it is normally backed up by a fact, I look into what I disagree with also so I can see the opinion from both sides. Sounds like something everyone should do, but I've got into heated conversations with people when I've known more about their opinions point than they have.

I look at the Idea of video games through a magnifying glass. I often take to Twitter to say thank you to Indie developers for an amazing soundtrack or piece of art, sending them my reviews so they know what I thought about my experience, I want them to know how I got to the final result.

I buy the soundtracks, look into the history of the studio and try and buy the back catalogue, the artists involved with creating the feel and tone of the game and the writers telling the overall story. When you look deeper you get more of an appreciation for whats gone into it, tying that whole experience together.

Take away the music and background sound from Bioshock and play it, The game becomes so much easier, what you didn't realise was dictating your pace and that anxious feeling in your gut was the one thing you pay no attention too whilst emerged in that experience, take it away and it becomes a shooter with no jumps or build ups through sound alone.

Probably the most memorable soundtrack that I've brought recently was 'Everybody's Gone To The Rapture' by Jessica Curry. That soundtrack alone is enough to make you cry it's that beautiful, tied with an experience that is literally out of this world. She won a BAFTA for the soundtrack after I'd tweeted her, not that my tweet made that happen but, understandably so, its absolute bliss.

Other stupid facts about me are I have a huge tattoo of Cloud on my forearm, Final Fantasy VII is my ultimate favourite game, Being told not to play something because you won't understand it is all the fuel I need to play a game. I may also want to Call my Children Cloud and Ruby. Nothing to do with Final Fantasy VII at all!

I live in a small room in my grandparents home surrounded by comforts, firstly art from games framed on My wall. The Iconic Image of Joel and Ellie from The Last of us and an A3 image of Elizabeth falling from Columbia whilst Booker tries to catch her.

Drake also lives in my room. One form poster and the other a 3ft Cardboard cut out I may have borrowed from GAME.

I love collectors edition and art books also, I wish I could draw like those talented people. Probably my favourite is the art book for Witcher Wild Hunt.

Slowly I'm collecting more models but my favourite I own is Red from Transistor, Artists Jen Zee is literally insane and anything Super Giant Games touches I will throw my money at! I'm looking at you Pyre! Annoyingly though after again tweeting her to see if I could buy some original art she informed my its all digital, I cry.

Then we have all those Andrzej Sapkowski books, Oh how I love you. Next tattoo is for sure the wolf medallion on my hand. A polish writer who originally wrote the novels and short stories about Geralt before CD PROJEKT RED, a polish company also, Created that amazing world in real life.

So thats it, a small informed look into my life and the thing I love, GAMES.

One day I will make a name for my self, I don't want fame, I don't want fortune, I just want to entertain and help people.

Not sure what to call this? A diary in a sense. A half painted portrait of a glass half full.

A relaunch.

So yes I do have Twitter and Instagram, Currently I'm writing angry emails to Hello Games for selling me a game that's so broken its's crashed on me 18 times in 3 days.

Fuck you Sean Murray. I've got beef. You looked like the coolest person in the world selling your stolen Ideas. Then when it releases you change your tone immediately.

No paid DLC! free updates for every one, 7 days after launch, Might have to pay for that DLC ladies and gentlemen, maybe that'll contain a finished game! we all know it's Elite: Dangerous meets Minecraft and Johan Gielis's "Superformula" anyway. All I wanted was Joe Danger 3. I will get a refund. It may take a while but I will get my £70 back. why £70? because I brought the collectors edition because it came with an art book and steal case/comic. Fix it!

But enough about me being so mad I nearly broke my TV.

My Twitter is @winslowbateman
My Instagram is www.instagram.com/fi5h5tick5/
also I have Twitch www.twitch.tv/fi5h5tick5/profile

So come give me a follow, comment on what you like and share if you can as it would mean the world to me, I have a crappy back catalog of 71 posts on my blogspot so I'm sure one thing might entertain you.

Till next time people,

Caleb, FI5H5TICK5.

I'd Like To Call Myself Something.......One Day

So I'm awful at blogging these days.

I've got worse at streaming on Twitch too, It all started off so well and 2015 started like a car crash but I managed to find something inside myself to pull through and open those creative gates, It always happens when I'm depressed. Be it a high or a low something happens, I just seem to be more capable of juggling hours that don't exist in my life.

I started to blog, it all went well. I stopped. Things got in the way to be honest, I started writing for a start up company and I loved it but that juggling ability went out the window. It wasn't that people weren't reading what I was publishing, strangely enough it was, even months after I hadn't written a thing the hit counter kept on climbing, It kept me positive.

I stopped writing for that company, I started streaming, I was doing really well, 200 subscribers in a month, I was on a high, I needed more of those hours that I didn't have to put into Twitch, If I was going to become anything to anyone it would be on that outlet, my personality shined through and I played games I loved and made friends. I stopped in the end.

I got a job, now I had this idea I would stream and work, funny how people stream for a living and don't work, I see why now. Its tiring, all consuming, expensive, competitive, Its a dog eat dog world. You want to be relevant you play the next big game, you find the money and you play it for 20 hours a day and people will subscribe, I on the other hand couldn't do it, I didn't 'Fall' out of love with the idea, I was just to tired. My brain clearly not 100% 18 months after having a full on melt down at 25 just couldn't do it.

I tried to do it again but everything I was doing right before I feel has left me, maybe its just not meant to be?

Now I'm ill again, signed of work for the past month like a nervous agitated wreck my mental health started to plummet down hill once again.

Was I going full circle?

Like fuck was I, straight to the doctors I went, I thought I'd get the jump on this Blessing, Because that's what it is right? A blessing in disguise, Sometimes I see it that way, its been part of me for such a long time I don't think I've ever been normal and my personality is my illness. My personalities I should say, clearly I don't have one.

Think of me as an iPod on shuffle. Taylor Swift then Metallica.

I make no sense to myself anymore.

That's when I see it as a curse, its ability to creep up on me when things are going so well is almost amazing, It takes what it wants, your family, your job, relationship, friends even your life and then when you hit the lowest point it backs off, It lets you think about all the shit that's just happened and you have to pick all the pieces up with your hands tied behind your back.

You don't remember what you did, who you where, even 'are' at that point.

Then you get creative, you have nothing, so you make something. you start to write again, stream again, you have those hours you didn't have again to do all those things you couldn't do because you remember your not super human anymore.

So I have ideas. Quit your job, stream for a year, take one year out of your time and work the hardest you ever have and make your self something.

Take those chances you where scared to take, before Mr Illness fucks it all up again.

The reality is though I won't.

I can't support myself or move on in life taking chances when I'm 26, that's why your 18 for. No responsibilities, balls of steal and all the ideas you can think up sitting in your hand ready to be eaten up by the masses.

One day I'd like to call myself something other than mentally ill.

Unstable.

A burden.

That's what I see myself as to the people around me.

More of a challenge for them to overcome on a daily basis than a friend, lover or son.

So what was the point in this blog? This nagging that I'll post on the Internet for people to read, or maybe not, I don't really know, maybe its just so I feel like I've done something this time round, even if its just once. Maybe its confirmation I'm fucked? Maybe its the fact I've been up all night again and its 7am, I can hear the birds outside and the smell of my Costa I'm about to go buy?

I'll stream again today I think.

I'm pretty sure I'll blog again tomorrow.

I know I'm meant to be something.

I just don't know when that day will come.

Dreams are meant to come true if you chase them, but I live a nightmare most days, I'm a very good liar too, You'd be amazed at how long I can smile for when I'm screaming on the inside.

Depressing right? Well I have coffee now so my brains smiling. Lets make today one of those days where I fell like I'm going forward, I blogged. Is this a blog? I'll stream.

Lets see what happens tomorrow I guess.

Caleb, ManicallyDepressed-ModeratleyFunny, Fi5h5tick5.

Thats three.

Check it - https://www.twitch.tv/fi5h5tick5

Read it - https://www.facebook.com/FI5H5TICK5/

Today I thought of you.

So I've been hugely busy over the past few weeks, I've been an usher at my best friends wedding, I've travelled Novigrad, Velen and Skellige and write a lot of news articles and reviews for the Nerd Stash.

Everything seems to be going in the right direction for me at the minute and then I thought of you.
'You' being the blog, Its easy to neglect and forget about when your putting so much time and effort into your passion, I'm eternally grateful to Jeremy for giving me this opportunity and I loving every minute I spend in this little gaming hub, and free games!

I love free games.

So in true 'Ive left my blog for two weeks or longer fashion' I decided to write another one updating the world with this online diary I've taken to writing.

What started the neglect was The Witcher 3: The Wild Hunt, I always new the time would come where I switched off from real life and turn Geralts story into my own. In true RPG nerd fashion that happened and its all I wanted to do for two weeks, then work got in the way and I reviewed one good game and one bad game, The bad game being a mobile port of 'Badland' it just seemed like a huge cash in to me, trying to make a quick buck by taking its mobile success and applying it to the console world, more original Xbox than Xbox One material.

The good being a weird and whacky game called 'Schrodingers Cat and The Raiders of The Lost Quark' A truly unique mechanic making this a true stand out!

Quarks are adorable also! End of.

If you haven't check out the website please do, we have multiple social media pages set up and the team works really hard to try and bring all the happening news to the readers in the own unique fashion. Creative freedom being key, if you want to write it then do it, and with the run up to E3 being four days away the excitement and nerves are running high to try and make our first expo a success.

New YouTube content has been created with affiliated sites offering sign up discounts on first purchases, we had our first Twitch stream of Hearthstone as well which was a success, also looking at creating some new content for our YouTube channel myself after practising with my few videos, so hopefully that will take off more as time goesby and Podcasts are the works, making us a fully fledged member of the gaming journalism world.

On the BiPolar side of things stuff is starting to look up for once, my medication has been altered once again and slowly but surely I'm getting back to my old self minus any sort of confidence, No longer does Risperidon rain havoc on my morning route making me one squishy faced tired sleepy head and with my Venlafaxine being upped I'm a lot more chirpier than normal, give it two more months and I'll be off Risperidone completely and it'll just be Venlafaxine and Sodium Valproate.

I'm starting to look at my diagnosis as a huge blessing in surprise, going from a hollow shell of a man with the idea and desire to write but no drive to do it and I've gone from starting a blog to working at a new company bring news and reviews to the masses, I'm completely overwhelmed by the experience especially when you have publishers and developers thanking you for the great review and quoting you in the tweet.

This quote being ' Final thoughts, I want a purple cat now' as Schrodingers Cat was a game that would have gone completely under my radar , I'm so happy it didn't though as I had a huge amount of fun with that game as well as a swift 850 gamer score to add to my now 88500 plus gamer score.

Ive neglected my Xbox One recently and playing the Smite Beta and others has made me re kindle my passion for gamer score, I might love my PS4 more but nothing will beat the gamer score, trophies just don't have the same appeal to me, even though I still try my balls off to get them.

I'm going to look at starting my Gunman Clive play through soon and finish that part of my life and story and start something new.

I'm working on a new Let's play about Donkey Kong at the minute. I Have the content I just need to find the time to edit and do it, hopefully once I start to get abit of structure in my day I can focus on getting my working life and content in check and keep on top of it.

So onwards and upwards, everything changing for the better, its just taking time.
I never thought I would feel like this 3 months ago and 3 months before that I never thought I would feel again.

My adventure is still new but growing every day and I hope you enjoy my little story today.

Also I got a sweet Dragonball tattoo on my fore arm with Kid Goku flying Nimbus around the 2 and 6 star Dragonball signifying the day I was born on, meaningful and all that jazz.

Koi Koi

Caleb ManicallyDepressed-ModeratelyFunny.

Wolfenstein: The Old Blood Review

Sorry about the silence on the blog from I entered self inflicted exile to play and review Wolfenstein: The Old Blood for the nerd stash and it took a lot longer than I thought it would getting use to there style and keeping my review up to scratch unlike my normal comical overviews of my experience with the game, so please take the time to look at the website, everyone works really hard to try and keep up to date with all the news and keeping up to date with all the happenings in the world of nerds!

So come take a look http://thenerdstash.com/wolfenstein-old-blood-review/

I hope you enjoy everything that we are trying to bring to the table and I'm excited to move forward with this new adventure, even if the american time zones are fucking up my sleeping patterns! damn being 6 hours in the future.

Koi Koi

Caleb ManicallyDepressed-ModeratelyFunny

The start of something new #Thenerdstash

Don't be put off by the title, I'm not stopping the blog at all. I've recently been trying to progress my portfolio, hopefully over the next couple of days I'll be able to share my new experience with you as I should be doing some freelance writing for a cool new website called www.thenerdstash.com An American based haven for all things games, technology and nerd, as it says in the title.

Check back soon.

I recently was in talks with there editor in chief Jeremy Harris and I'm excited to say that I should be starting pretty soon, so look out for my new posts on their website aswell as updated blog posts from ManicallyDepressed-ModeratelyFunny

Some things that I've got to work on is probably my potty mouth, grammar and punctuation, basic understanding of the English language would probably go down quiet well also.

So things are looking on the up for me at the minute. Not only is bipolar life starting to get better with new adventures starting everyday hopefully over the next month all my medication should be sorted out after 6 months and I'll be on the up and up.

So there's another small update of things going down in my little bubble.

I look forward to sharing another chapter of my strange little life with everyone.

Koi Koi

Caleb - ManicallyDepressed-ModeratleyFunny.

I wrote this when i was half asleep

If my job was to blog, I would definitely be getting fired at some point soon.

This caption is self explanatory.

I spent the whole day playing Hell divers, via ps4 remote play, using my buddies PSVita as the second controller, another excellent feature for the ever cool PS4.

Now I must admit Hell divers went completely under my radar.

I'm not actually sure how I managed to miss it? but oh man is it fun, a blend of Starship Troopers, ODST and Command and Conquer.

You command one 'Hell diver', you drop into unknown territory to blow up a bug nest, bugs being 10 foot tall super bugs or drop off a black box to a safe point in the jungle, even multiple objectives per level which then leads to a 90 second skirmish at the evacuation point while you wait for your drop ship to come and save the day.

You spend this 90 seconds hoping some big ugly mother doesn't finish you off before you extract.

4 player Coop, Much fun. Many kills. Wow.

Playing solo grows old quite quick as the difficulty is ramped up and the rewards become less relevant to you, this leads me to the SOS call stratagem which you can call I'm at any point in your game, this then prioritises your game and your need for help as up-to 3 other Hell divers can dive in and join the fun, be it three friends or three complete strangers everyone seems keen to help when saving the world is at hand.

Another cool feature is that you control where your drop zone is, be it on top of the objective which is closer to the danger or a small distance away so you can plot your course more strategically avoiding enemy patrols and taking a more stealthier approach.

This game offers something for everyone. Mech suits, or Flame throwers, stun grenades to airstrikes
or even the simple shotgun or SOS call, your unit calls in certain stratagems to level the odds and bring the pain to one of the 3 enemies types in total.

Mech suit Fun.

My current favourite mix being Heavy armour, lazer machine gun and a Mech suit for all out combat with that extra punch, UAV's for bitches why worry where the enemy is when you can just kill everything in sight?

And that's what happened to my Friday blog, It got turned into 5 Hours of Bro fists and Redbull intake.

A day of Gaming for once at a relaxed pace and little to none depressed mood swings, also I brought Torchlight 2 on steam for 2.99, 2.99!!!!!! That's 80% off. boom, wow!

Manic Army

Caleb.

This week in words, YouTube.

After last weeks less than stellar content turn around I went on a busy spree recording videos .

So i have what I think maybe two or three new videos depending on how good the last 50 minutes of content is.

So this week I shall be dropping some more video content than ever plus more of Gunman Clive's adventures.

Probably more Bipolar medical updates, content was short last week from me having the flu and then going into a very horrible depressive stage where I didn't wash for two weeks, wasn't eating and slept for three whole days. not fun for anyone!

Sorry if I'm abit to honest about my illness but its always been part of my blog, ever since I started writing these small crayon scribblings, so I like to keep the continuity up.


So please kick back and enjoy my content, please like and subscribe, share between friends and family and make a depressed soul happy.

The thought of making people laugh is what keeps me going.

I think thats everything.

Stay till the end!

Manic Army,

Caleb, ManicallyDepressed-Moderately Funny.

Youtube Channel-
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCllx1-z8fVljqoOqJ41iw-Q

Moon Walking Trains - Gunman Clive part 3

Today's Gunman Clive update comes from a coffee shop, the coffee shop where I work, not the familiar and safe surroundings I've grown accustomed to, but still I

I'm actually sat in this Costa.

familiar setting non the less, I wonder if people will be able to see the mental strain this game is causing me.

It takes me two failed jumps and a serious being form a wolf to get in the zone, I'm not going to make it far on this run.

I dash way to fast to the left and fall straight into a spiky pit once again. (26)

I make it through the small laid out path and straight into a hobbit cowboy dwelling in a small cowboy hole, I shoot him in the face and walk on by. completely forgetting whats next I start to worry.

Death, hot steaming death is next (27) Death and Bats.

Bunny with a gun. 

Back to bat city, I jump and shoot all over the place like a bunny with a gun. I make the jump, shot a man in the gut and run through into what feels like a wind turbine chamber full of ducks?! Weird. as.
FUCK.

I eat a whole cake, like you do in cowboy times, candle included, run to the another room full of wind turbines and floating platforms, the more I think about this game the less cowboy it seems.

One scary platform ride spent running against the force of the wind and dodging giant circular saws I finish stage 8 in 141 seconds, Did I mention the left side of that room was covered in spikes.

Stage 9

Coming to you live on the trailer of a train dashing through the desert, I'm greeted by a pelican drive by shitting.

'Shit off' I blast at him, shooting him straight in the beak, I kill a man dead, shot a wolf gone and punt a duck in the neck, I decide that mans name was Noah seems as he had so many damn animals following him. (27)

Cartoon Animals!

Noah decided it best to drown me so I had to start again.

I run through the level as fast as I can, Ducking and diving along the way. Thinking very methodically every step of the way I miss judge a jump and get shot in the back by a cowboy hanging out a carriage window joker style. (28) 

I make it to what I think is the end of the level and jump in-between the connecting carriages barrel rolling down the tracks in little Clive chunks. Idiot! (29)

A nice bowl of minced Clive.

As I'm hit in the guts once more I rag doll straight onto the railway track and get turned into minced meat again.(30)

Turns out there was a room full of people after what I thought was the end, Easy work for a master cowboy like Clive, finished in 76 seconds

Stage 10 - Boss battle.

Turns out the train is a giant moon walking robot, Awesome. Terrifying!

I shoot it in its big yellow head and make more progress than I did with Elvis on my first go, Ultimately I die again through trying to figure out his attack pattern, it seems to be shoot a bomb from his chest and dodge his big robotic hands made up off wheels.

Every so often he breaths fire but thats just awesome.

Fire Breathing, Moon Walking giant robotic Train.

The best thing I can suggest is to stand on the boxes and duck the on coming punches and shot in bursts of three at his big yellow head. (31)

Lets do this this time, More positive thinking!

Nope, I die a few times in this process (32) (33) (34) 

Victory, 71 seconds and that giant moon walking mother fucker is dead.

Manic Army!

Caleb - ManicallyDepressed-ModeratelyFunny.

Follow the twitter - https://twitter.com/WinslowBateman

Also check my Spelunky Youtube video ->

YouTube -
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCllx1-z8fVljqoOqJ41iw-Q

I think I'm going to Spelunk!

Happy Friday 13th!

I managed to edit it together and this is the end result, 13 minutes of awful spelunking!

I hope you enjoy, please subscribe and leave comments and come back for more ManicallyDepressed - ModeratelyFunny adventures!

Manic Army

Caleb

Spelunky's a bitch

So apparently confirming Half Life 3 is a death wish  on the Internet as its wanted so bad.

I doubt it will ever come out as it honestly doesn't need to, Valve makes so much money with steam its silly to release any game at the minute, they may as well save it till steams on the down and pump some life back into the stocks with the ultimate box collection 3, Half Life 3, Team Fortress 3 and Portal 3, like the orange box with numbers or add Left 4 Dead 3 to confirm more 3s.

Today's post is short and spontaneous, just how I like my woman, saying that I'm 6.4 so most people are short compared to me.

The reason why its so short is I'm currently editing some video that we shot last night, I'm trying to turn it into something for tomorrow/Monday, seems as I'm fairly new to the editing world its taking a while!

I did however finish Life is Strange yesterday, as well as shoot 45 minutes of video, so cutting that down to ten minutes Is how I'm spending my Thursday.

Spelunky's a bitch

Manic Army

Caleb.

Dollar Bills and Explosions - Battlefield Hardline Beta - C4 Edition

Its not the start of a blog and beta run if I don't have some form of caffeine, normally a black coffee to get the brain firing on all cylinders.

'BETA'LLEFIELD.

Sitting in a dark room like a vampire, trying to remember the last time I opened my curtains, I'd say mid October.

So greetings people, this is my first sit down with the Battlefield Hardline Beta, I'm quickly reminded of the theme of this game as a quick edit and flash montage is burnt into the back of my mind with dollars, watches, c4 explosions and fire all flashing before me in a quick 20 second burst of 'look at me'

This subsequently turns into a good cop or a bad robber? who knows?! I can see cops in his glasses so I'm going to say bad robber.

The first thing I notice is that they've put a LINE through HARDLINE, clever Visceral games, but that doesn't blow my socks off like the Facebook integration, no Battlefield you can't black mail me into advertising your game to my friend in return for an In game battle-pack, not yet anyway.

First things first and most importantly I need a Badman patch to show I'm representing the U.K, I soon start laughing at a patch of 3 legs running in a circle. This amuses me and enlightens me that this is in fact the flag for the Isle of man, nothing manlier than 3 armour clad legs rolling along.

Its a real flag, Honest.

I look to customise my load-out, looks like I need 2 years wages to buy an AKS-74U, no wonder their robbing banks.

In total there are 3 match types.

Firstly we have Heist, the aim here is to rob a vault, escaping via helicopter get away, unless your lucky enough to be a respawning police officer, then your job is to prevent the escape.

Secondly we have Hotwire, this one sounds fun! Find and capture vehicles stashed around the level, drive the vehicles at high speed to deplete the enemies tickets.

Last but not least we have the classic Conquest mode, a staple part of the Battlefield franchise this high intensity game of 'control the points of interest' is my personal favourite.

I want to be a robber with a shotgun, If payroll permits it that is.

It kicks me straight into a match, it explains how to select a class and what roles it offers to the player.

100K back pack.

OPERATOR: Assault Rifle, First Aid Kit.
MECHANIC: SMG, Grenade Launcher.
ENFORCER: Shotgun, Ammo Crate.
PROFESSIONAL: Sniper Rifle, Tripmine.

First match and I choose the operator, gotta love me them heal points.

Turns out my wish doesn't come true and I'm a copper

The first thing I notice about Hardline is the serious change of pace this game offers compared to other games in the franchise, on a more positive note I stop the bag carrier dead with a head shot only to get blown away by a shotgun blast to the face seconds later.

There still seems to be the same problem most FPS suffers from and thats spawn camping scumbags with shotguns.

The first match I play is Heist, the lay out of this map can quickly change your style of gameplay, be it the tight claustrophobic corridors of the vault chamber, stalked by teams of shotgun toting maniacs or the open streets, sprawled with roof top snipers and full frontal assaults this mode offers multiple play styles to be quickly adopted on the fly upon death.

Do it now!

Every soldier has seen Predator as their screaming 'Get to the choppa'.

I adopt my new play style as the match is taking into the open streets, I swap to a ENFORCER class dropping ammo down for the long defence of the loot, this slows down gameplay a lot as swarms of robbers assault trying to re capture the duffle bag full of money.

This takes us to an easy win, dropping the bag in a large open area can bring the end of a match round very fast if defended well, chewing through tickets as they throw lives away for the greater good.

Hotwire on the other hand is completely different, that much so it doesn't even fell like the same game and more like a first person game of Burnout Paradise as I tear it round the streets at high speed in my sedan.

It sounded amazing when I read it but I spend 15 minutes driving around a map mowing people down till I finally die, my thought of high speed car chases being pursued by a car full of pressing cops trying to blow out my tires, money spilling out of open windows as my clan of robbers fire back never comes to fruition.

Hotwire mode? I think not.

Instead I drive around in slow circles performing three point turns where I can, the only excitement coming from an oncoming gas tanker firing past me, but instead of exploding and my car flipping down the streets I'm left driving down the street, slightly of track I might say.

The match ends quickly as the opposing team never manages to capture a checkpoint.

I tire of this game type rather fast, one benefit is the easy 2000 points my sedan gain's from a lovely Sunday drive around a sandy park.

That sniper.

I tackle the Large Conquest mode head on and call in the help of brother dearest, we join a party, fire up a squad and launch straight into a match no problem.

This is your standard defend and assault mode but its mostly just a snipe fest, certain weapons seem slightly overpowered compared to others.

when I'm out gunned by AK74U from a distance I call bullshit.

Some cool additions are added rewarding players spawning on there squad with extra cash, this being your main currency for buying upgrades and new weapons, Also the game starts to flex it's technical muscle by throwing in a very 'American Sniper' sand storm into the mix only this looks more realistic and fun than that of Bradley Coppers outing.

We bro it out for 3 match's and three wins.

Manic Army!

Caleb

Be sure to check out my first YouTube video -  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EcUM-hIYtAE


Follow the Twitter - https://twitter.com/WinslowBateman

Join the Manic Army on google plus for all my content connected in one central hub - https://plus.google.com/u/0/+Calebbateman_ManicallyDepressed-ModeratelyFunny/posts

YouTube Content, A recipe for disaster Mark II.

My Second attempt at YouTube content should be uploaded today.

Do people follow using Google +?

Hopefully people will enjoy what me and my friend Matt created

The quality of this video is through the roof compared to our first shoddy outing, stick with it! This ones better!

Please Subscribe to my YouTube Account -
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCllx1-z8fVljqoOqJ41iw-Q

Add me on the Twitter - https://twitter.com/WinslowBateman

Follow me on Google + https://plus.google.com/u/0/104409237928752502151/posts

Please feel free to comment on the blogs as well, criticism welcome!

Manic Army

Caleb, ManicallyDepressed - ModeratelyFunny!

Future Proof, Fame not included.

A strange week for me this week, 

Future proof, fame not included.

Firstly I was diagnosed as Bipolar which is a huge relief and a long time coming, but to finally hear those words is the best thing that could happen as now I can be treated accordingly, which means more blood tests and heart scans!

I love blood tests so fucking much it's untrue.

Then to celebrate the diagnosis I brought an Elgato HD60 to start streaming some gameplay, I then realised my laptop couldn't handle the power of full 1080p 60fps streaming and recording, I then made a decision based on it being a success.

Like any reasonably sound of mind person would do, I brought a MacBook Pro.

Normal people wouldn't do this but I think its part of my charm.

So now every blog is delivered from a laptop I'm still not sure how to use, so badly so I had to text a friend, from MacBook to MacBook I should say,  about how to hashtag. #TrueStory

Dollar bills and explosions.

My week has mostly been filled with downloading Beta's

Battlefield Hardline was the first beta, my normal blog should be up in the next few days showing my 1337 skill set, If everything goes well I could technically record gameplay of the beta and narrate my blog over the top of it, like a white Morgan Freeman.

Secondly I emailed the Neverwinter devs about getting a place in the closed beta, a Xbox One MMORPG based around the dungeons and dragons franchise.

Greek battles never looked so good.

I was lucky enough to get a place so I'm intrigued and excited to see whats to offer.

So normally I have a list of games I've finished, after the last few weeks I've finished close to 10 games so its strange to not finish one at all, The list is starting to grow as I add Saints Row IV and Apotheon, a free Playstation Plus game for ps4 users!

Transistor and Rogue Legacy are the two amazing games free with Playstation Plus this month, Transistor is a science fiction RPG that follows the story of voiceless singer Red as she travels through a beautifully handprinted world fighting an enemy known as the process, My personal game of 2014 and Rogue Legacy an indie platform game, the goal is to explore a randomly generated castle, defeat four bosses in four unique environments and then defeat the final boss.

Jen Zee's amazing digital art.

I finally finished my adventure after 27 hours. 

So from me to anyone reading this that hasn't played either they are a must own for any growing Playstation Library.

Once upon a time I contacted the artist for Transistor wishing to buy some of Jen Zee's amazing art only to have my heart broken when she told me it was all done digitally and there wasn't a original copy, I was then told to check out the supergiant games store and buy some one of the posters and having it never work for me.

I still mourn to this day, another true story.

Lets hope the next week brings more finished games.

Never one to force the very natural work flow I've adopted hopefully some video content will start to be uploaded in the next few weeks.

Enjoy your Friday and download those games!

Koi Koi

Caleb

Follow the mindless tweets of a troubled individual at 
https://twitter.com/WinslowBateman

Lets Play Bipolar.

So I'm running out of things to write about at the minute, all the balls are rolling for me to be integrated back into normal day to day life and I'm finding it harder to find the time to sit and have a good write.

Everything's better with a cat picture.

I need some true structure to these blogs and updates. I'm getting somewhat lost with what to cover and what to say. Am I moving backwards?

I think not, after a long, hard 9 year slog of being in and out of the doctors I've finally been diagnosed as Bi Polar, we've all known this for a long time but actually getting to see a psychiatrist and getting that diagnosis has been the hardest part, but finally I can say that I'am Bi Polar, hence the name!

On a different note.

I started talking to a friend about making some let's play videos for YouTube. 

Best Co-op game ever? Maybe!

We have a very methodical way of playing games, no progression until a level is 100% finished, this is wonderful and stressful at the same time, my fondest memory to date was our Ray-man sessions. 

I'd like to think our friendship was forged around this game, it's enough to make or break any couple, it just made us stronger.

What followed this was Smash Bros, in typical fashion the pupil now beats the master in this case.

Fist bumps and high fives, cheering and swearing. A running commentary of everything to come sounds like fun, all we need is a camera and it could go up in one take.

The start of something beautiful, and HD.

Hopefully I'll iron out all the kinks in my armor soon.

I started to invest some money in this venture by purchasing an Elgato HD60. I want to capture all that high definition game play, also a pod-cast microphone to add a running commentary of the stresses I'm feeling.

We also looked at another idea of recording us playing old games, in this case it was the GameCube classic Monkey Ball. we choose a mode, captured the room, no game-play due to static on the screen and us not knowing how too, we described what was happening and everything else feel into place.

Monkey Ball!

It was a very natural process, an 18 minute video was recorded over a tense game of monkey target, the aim being to roll a monkey down a hill and to hit the target, jokes went back and forth about dole's sponsorship of all things banana and how the first ball pit came about.

Hopefully I can chop it together into a shorter video and you can see the basic life of two recluse nerds having a good time reliving childhood games.

Enjoy the bad quality of sound, join my adventure as my knowledge grows and be part of mine and Matt's little adventure into the YouTube space, next time It'll be another classic game with a better microphone so you can watch as it grows into something cheap and beautiful.

Koi Koi

Caleb

Lets play Tales from the borderlands, Review

Tales from the borderlands

You heard me right.

As a fan of Borderlands and Telltales Games Studio, late one night, red bull in hand, No money in my account and plenty of games to play, I thought to myself '£3.99's fine'.

It's that simple, I Brought it.

£3.99 not being fine. My ever decreasing bank account screaming 'why, Caleb why?'

Where to begin, Telltale Games ever expanding library gets bigger with a surprise episodic based series based on the hilarious yet completely crazy Borderlands series, like it's counterparts The Walking Dead season 1-2, The Wolf Among Us and Game of Thrones this series will be split into a 5 part episodic based story around two loveable characters Rhys and Fiona.

Sadness comes over me first as I mourn the memory of my Walking Dead Season 1 save, completely redundant on my Xbox 360 not to mention my Season 2 save which I never got passed episode 1.

Glitch, never. Just bad lighting

First impressions, looks like borderlands, that's because I'm looking at the title screen, Still it feels more fitting than Borderlands - The Pre Sequel. Not that I didn't enjoy my time as a zero gravity Claptrap, I just couldn't get into it like Borderlands 2.

Episode 1. 'Zer0 Sum'

I remember that character, Fuck knows about his story though, I used to drink...A lot, 2 years sober. Boom! Sober bomb, back to it.

It also doesn't feel as glitchy as The Walking Dead season 1, some character decisions being made by slow frame rate and times decisions being missed,but this isn't a Walking Dead review!

The villian, once upon a time, maybe.

A little bit of back story is fed to the audience, Handsome jack used to run Hyperion and died trying to claim the planet of Pandora as his own, Important life lesson to come! Pirates will always be remembered hero's on the other hand will be forgotten. so act an arse!

You play as Rhys voiced by every video game character in the world 'Troy Baker', Just realised he was Pagan Min, the more you know! Rhys is a company man.

He also gets punched in the cock by a man named Yoshimuto as he's dragged through the dirt and told to start from the start about his story. let's guess, I'll be replaying his memories and how he got to that moment in his life

John.

First things first Rhys looks like John Mayor.

Now that handsome Jack is dead he's celebrating his promotion he hasn't yet earned on his way to see Henderson, Turns out Henderson's dead, dum dum dummmmmmm!

Your greeted by your nemesis Hugo Vasquez, who sounds like he's voiced by the guy who voices Joe Swanson, Professional.

He goes on about how every spaceship in the universe is shaped like a dick and that every man has a Destiny, as he says this Henderson floats past in the back ground dead.

Behind you buddy.

Now Vasquez has Henderson's job after his tragic death he keeps his promise and promotes you to 'Vice Assistant Janitor'

Details are revealed about Vasquez setting up a deal to buy a vault key on Pandora so now Rhys, Yvette and the badly named 'nerdy guy' decide to ruin his career, all these decisions being made by me as I'm the super vengeful type, I'm sure I would have got there in the end but I choose the vengeful way.

The game is crisp and gorgeous at this point, no game crashing glitches, no decision missing skips in frame rate just a good quality and funny script, some clever gags about dicks and death and a shiny lick of HD paint, hugely surprised and wildly pleased by this I carry on my journey.

He's a nice guy really.

We encounter a problem, Only a small 10 million credit one, no worries my nerdy accounting friend clicks a button on his glasses and that's it done, 'It's easy to counterfeit money when you work in accounts' he chirps. ha!

Hyper violence in the form of people getting shot by people that get shot by other people that get shot by other people that get run over by me in Vasquez custom made ride, the only perk he went on about in our brief meeting when I decided to ruin his life. I crush a skag as I cruise along on Pandora listening to Jungle, The band not the genre.

The details you tell the merchant, August, involve the key being used to screw over the biggest dick in Hyperion, Stuff happens and things go wrong, what? I won't ruin the fun for you.

There's always two sides to one story.

Enter Fiona , Con Artist, Pandora Scumbag, Introduced whilst your being dragged across the floor still.

Her side of the story starts slightly different to Rhys's and how the vault key came to shatter.

Fiona lives in a Town called Hollowpoint which is based in a giant cave with her sister Sasha and master criminal Felix, the theft of the key was there biggest heist yet.

SPOILER ALERT! if you plan on playing look away now. Or maybe just don't read.

Enter giant fake model Vault key.

To solidify the fact your a shady character your given a gun with one bullet, in case of emergencies
and a wanted poster of your cell shady face for everyone to see.

I enjoy my time in Hollowpoint, as I walk down some scary high street two little psychos welcome a Pandoran gentleman to town by both stabbing him repeatedly in the face, I take his money and move on my way, food costs and all that.

Cell shady character .

One killer feature is the use of loot chests, still in keeping with the borderlands aesthetic, yellow beams appear showing money is in fact in that box.

At first I was unsure of what to expect but this game is actually brilliant, tapping directly into my crude sense of humour, adding new depth to a familiar world in the click and point adventure style I'm truly growing to love.

I think I'm finding this adventure even more enjoyable as I've just finished playing D4, that's how long I left this blog in draft form.

Koi Koi

Caleb.

Nostalgia Level 9000!

Check my giant shiny visor.

A day of Halo is to follow.

I'm awoken by a cryptic phone call, the details of this call were classified, something about hard ice and no work, I roll with it.

What follows is hopefully a sweet session of Halo, where we finish Halo Combat Evolved and hopefully hammer some Halo 2 Anniversary in the process.

Two months I've had this game and I've managed 8 levels! Appalling behaviour Caleb, Jesus.

In my defence Halo is meant for cooperative play, even better than that local split screen, nothing better than punching your friend when he saves the day, getting worked over by 8 Grunts in the process.

He wants to start in 'The Business'.

Like some weird kind of Grunt on Chief porn.

Whilst transporting the One I laugh at the fact it doesn't fit in my car, I mean bag. The PS4 doesn't have this problem neither does the Wii U. I wonder if I can get some straps and wear it like a ruck sack? saying that it'll probably give me back problems.

If your interested to know my PS4 lives in HDMI 1, Wii U in HDMI 2 then Thee One in HDMI 3. I don't know when this console became such a laughing stock in my eyes but it does always make me giggle when I look at it. True story.

It's become somewhat a back up console for exclusives I can't play on PS4, The Master chief Collection being one of them, believe it or not it hasn't always been that way. The Xbox One was my first next gen console followed by the PS4, what followed after that was a 6 month dust collecting phase till Sunset Overdrive and Halo come out mid November.

I call it my Beta machine, that's what it's mostly been doing for the past 3 weeks, and because it looks like a design someone in the mid 90's okay'd which is still in the testing phase of its life before they stream line it down and sexy it up.

That's enough bullying for one day.

Someone needs to get fired.

Actually no it's not, what the fucks up with the games being on the wrong side of the case, this genuinely angers me every time I open a box, you cant even change the cover around because it say's Xbox One upside down on it! damn it.

Shotguns are the most fun. I forgot that.

We spend a lot of the time running and gunning waiting for the flood to jump in for a hug, blowing each other into chief sized chunks in the process with grenades, we adopt the 'Grenade' cry every time we throw one just to warn one another about their impending doom. Pro shit!

We attempt to drive our own warthogs to safety on the last level, bad architect award goes to the arsehole who designed this level, It keeps on ending in tears, One warthog is flipped off the side, mine then gets blown up by an imaginary explosion.

In this attempt, friend that shall not be named gets 50 metres away from the end then chokes and eats grenade, next time luck seems to be on our side as we both finish, health intact.

My ears look like a scrotum.

Halo Combat Evolved done. Finally the reason I got this game to see them wonderful Halo 2 Anniversary graphics.

We start Halo 2 on Legendary, veterans of the legendary game, Many hours spent on Coop, days spent battling Online, One to many hours spent playing local multiplayer, Best map ever award going to Guardian on Halo 3, simple, painful, intimate a lot like marriage?

I die whilst running around like a gun ho headless chicken, uh rah! The game decides to start again, what?! It then happens when one of us dies, 'We don't have the iron skull on do we' I cry, looks like its heroic from here on out.

The worst skull ever for people like me.

Fuck me these cut scenes! Unlike the first Halo, where you couldn't change the view of the videos whilst watching them you can now, all remade to replicate the old videos but bringing that next gen vision and up datedness to the Whole package and my god it does.

A few levels fly by, one to many friendly grenade kills and then all of a sudden it's home time.

Damn people with real lives.

Koi Koi

Caleb

2015, The year I forgot to post a list of games on the internet for people to read, again.

2015, That's the year.

Witcher 3 hype is very real in my world..

Also the amount of games I'm about to list for your joy and my excitement.

Shall I use numbers, yea why not. Everyone loves the odd list of numbers don't they.

Now I'm excited for a lot of games this year, some I'll re lose the ability to speak over when social life killers like The Witcher 3:Wild Hunt comes out, oh ad that's number 1, do I need to explain why I'm so excited for it. 

Those of you that read my blog might have a slight inkling into why I'm going to lose my brain over this game, A huge fan-boy of Polish author Andrzej Sapkowski story of Geralt of Rivea, follows is all the shit an ultimate monster killing bad ass can get up to, not to mention the amount of nudity, violence, corruption and beheading's!

Like Game of Thrones but not shit, I believe that's settled any argument we could have, also did I mention it's an amazing game franchise and the final piece of Geralt's story? Unlike the Game of Thrones game, which was also SHIT.

The Witcher 3:Wild Hunt - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZ_G6XiHoUA

The secret order of moustached men and woman.

Secondly, that's number 2 if you didn't know is The Order:1886. The story following a group of old order knights that keep the world safe from a horrible breed of monsters, Half man, half beast. Like me.

The Humans outnumbering the cool looking beasts, but being on the back foot due to the Monsters brute strength. awesome, with futuristic weapons and huge moustaches, what's not to love in this stylish 3rd person shooter. 

Also I've played it and its sick! Visually next level also.

We love you Kirby.

The Order:1886 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_7SbgvtBDCQ

On the more visually colour intense scale we have number 3 my Boy Kirby and the Rainbow Curse, Claymation! That's all you need. just look at this and tell me your not sold.

Kirby and the Rainbow Curse - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_QrlwnHbkc

No list is complete without a Zelda entry, number 4, Link's first journey on the new hardware since 2013'S 3DS release The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds. We love you Wii U

The Legend of Zelda Wii U - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0y4hv62YEw

Try and tell me bad things now, I can tell you know that game will be pure joy, and also controller crushingly puzzling.

Can I just put a bunch of YouTube links in a row and it'll explain it's self?

No , I'll use good old brain and language to communicate my emotions to you over these visual delights, so how many is that? 4, only another 2011 to go. True story. Go time

Coming in at number 5, in no particular order, just what pops to mind is Yoshi's Woolly World.

What is he?

Another game that's just an absolute feast for your eyes, also a cooperative game in that ever popular Mario format, you play as everyone's favourite lizard dinosaur Yoshi, I've been lucky enough to play this with a friend at EGX, he spent half the time eating me, shitting me out and firing me across the map like a knitted mess, wicked cool, here's that link you want.

Yoshi's Woolly World - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vR8EHatIIE

Jesus Christ it's more beautiful than I remember

I'll split this wonderful blog into a two parter, why you ask? that's not cool! Well I'd like to think your checking out the video's and getting as excited as I do over some of the best releases of the year, in my eyes!

So the last one on this short list and number 6 of 2015 is Halo 5: Guardians, now we all love master chief and his adventures across planets, solar systems and time and space it's self, this time introducing another Spartan name Locke his sole purpose is to find Sierra 117 and trade concrete with him, riveting stuff!

Also looking forward to casually playing more than my fair share of Online maps and cooperative multiplayer the way I think every Halo game should be played.

Halo 5: Guardians - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0YkQ4YKOSw

Spartan Locke.

So I hope you enjoyed a brief look at some of my most anticipated games of the next year, obviously there's to many to name so I've chosen a small handful, comment on what your looking forward to and if you think I've missed some important ones!

Remember though there is a part 2 coming soon.

Koi Koi

Caleb