Coffee and Cigarettes

I currently have a very casual approach to life, I sleep between 12 and 18 hours a day.

What can I say, I love coffee and Cigarettes.

I take my medication when I'm suppose too, I chain smoke cigarettes and drinking black coffee like some cop from L.A.Noire.

I think about what I want from my life, I contemplate education, maybe something to do with writing? Creative perhaps? Journalistic, answering questions with questions,  never quiet getting round to answering them.


I'm unsure of so much.

Lego Batman takes some of the stress away. until I realise I need a million studs to unlock the x2 red brick and Ive just spent all my studs buying all the characters I can.

That's first world problems right there.

My problem is I'm trying to start so much, but Im never get around to finishing anything any more.

True story.

I started this blog, I'm certainly not ready to finish it. but what I am unsure of is where to go with it?!

I guess that's life. we all start it with the intention of it never ending, then it does. Be it a long time or a short time. You want to try and change as much as you can in that period of time you spend alive.

I'm certainly spending my days trying to change things, myself mainly.

This blog was a saviour, a blessing in disguise, an out for a very ill person to try get his thoughts into order. Now their in order I struggle to find them.

I run at a constant level of 'normal' and that bores me, never up, yet always down.

I find it hard to do the things I love so much, my passion somewhere else, hidden with that order.

Gone are the days I used to wake and write, gone are the days where my Mac was constantly on charge, gone are the days of my 3DS and Shovel Knight.

I need to try and change it all.

The location of said x2 stud counter.

This leads me to this blog, I kind of just picked my Mac up and started typing away. Unsure of what would happen, Time happens and over time ill people become better be it for the better or worse. That sounds horrible, normally for better, I just feel worse.

So today is the day I make an effort to blog again, to write about all those things I love and the things I love to do.

Maybe I will get back in to education and finish something for real

Or maybe ill just spend the day get that stud count up?!

Koi Koi

Caleb.

Typing away in the dark

Kind people.

So this week I achieved the impossible, I finished Shovel Knight! You're probably bored of me harping on about this game but it truly is something special, I claim games are 'Broken' when I die more than 5 times on a single level, I'm not use to being that bad at games.

My patience tested every step of the way, my 3DS a redundant brick at one point, days avoiding it.

All for an experience I will always remember, funny things is when I run through it a second time levels that took me 50 minutes are now taking me 6 minutes.

The Guys and Girls at Yacht Club Games where even kind enough to tweet me saying 'Amazing to see your adventure documented in such detail! Thank you for the unique perspective on it all, We've seen some players soak in their first run for much longer than 14 hours and just shy if 200 deaths is none to shabby!'

So I'm a happy geek at this moment in time.

Damn, she's a sexy witch.

I tied up some lose ends last week by finishing Sunset Overdrive and other games so I traded a few in to start my Bayonetta 2 journey, Sexy she witch she is!


I impulse brought Super Mario Galaxy 2 when the digital download released at £8.99, mega deal for a game widely regarded as one of the best ever. Me missing a lot of Wii's original titles being a Call of Duty nerd, so I'm looking forward to the journey ahead of me, Yoshi for the win! I wonder if I'll see the Captain?

5 hours this weekend dedicated to Mario Kart 8 with some close friends was also an awesome experience, In my mind the Wii U is such a perfect console to play with people of any age and any skill, fun every step of the way, Charming and simple to pick up.

We all take it super serious!

I treated myself to FarCry 4 as a '2 years sober' gift, It now sits in the pile of Ubisoft games currently at 20% completion

Another Quiet week for my chief dust collector Xbox One, Evolve Beta has been downloaded which is pretty cool, excited to see the full extent of what Turtle Rock Studios can conjure up, a huge fan of the original Left 4 Dead.

Hours spent Co-op Running it with 3 friends, screaming at the fact I killed a witch by accident with a shotgun, unlocking an achievement in the progress, my favourite! Mocking my dear friend that can't play Shovel Knight as he couldn't do it when he tried, me doing it in a drunken state.

Still awaiting the return of brother dearest to join my Halo Campaign! Reality is I'll have to ask Matt to join me in a day long session playing as much as we can.

Not so sexy witch.

Path of Exile, My new mindless grind game, I tell myself 1 hour, It let's me out of it's trance 6 hours later, plus I got my little brother involved, don't know if that's a good thing or not?

A new chapter also begins this week, the response was incredible, all 5 of you voting on what game I should play next, The clear winner being The Binding of Isaac: Rebirth with a mind blowing  4 VOTES. Incredible, I'm quiting my day job.

So expect that at some point in the future, not sure how I'll document it yet, as I play it will become clear to me.

Day job.

That's it I think?!

I'm not going to make it sound like I lead an interesting life because as you can see I clearly don't

Koi Koi

Caleb

Shovel Knight 11 - The End is Nigh.

Back once again to the Troupple pond for some freebie potions, this shall be my final visit and final battle.

Cheap horror movie.

I enter the castle greeted by walls surrounding me, I shovel drop a brick and everything falls away, I fall with it taking me three floors down onto a very shady looking platform, lava underfoot taunting me with cries for help, the room smells of hot death, I'll be adding to that shortly.

Plus why does my house smell of death? I'm playing a game not in some cheap horror movie, I'd call it 'Nintendo 3.Dead.S', spooky.

Did I speak to soon, the platform just started 'flinging' its self at me, politely pushing me in said lava along the way. (165) (166) (167) 

I jump all the blocks being delicately thrown at my face till a hole appears in the hall, I jump through to what I think is safety when in reality I just fall down another 3 levels of pure darkness onto another sketchy looking platform.

The level seems to be building around me a lot like in bastion, only this time I'm not an angry kid smashing stuff in a beautifully painted world, I'm a shovel Knight in a wonderful 8 bit world, or 16
bit, probably 16 bit now I think about it.

Either way I still feel hugely uncomfortable knowing death is one miss placed shovel foot away, I get uncomfortable in the process of thinking this and fall to death number (168) 

Bastion.

This time I get all comfortable in the lava as I stumble a jump and bash my head on a platform like a complete twat.

I don't think you could die on this part if you fucking tried, ughhhhh. (169)

Mo lava, Mo death. (170) 

Painful to watch timed jumps into nothing appear next as the block appears underfoot after every jump, leaving no room for error, every jump now a shaky nervous one.

I run across a giant platform as it builds around me, floating lamps popping on as I run past them. Hello checkpoint my old friend! does this mean its time for the boss battle?

Fuck yea it does, as I run into the castle readying a bitch slap for this lady its straight to business as she flies away and starts the attack, If I try shovel drop her and land on the platform it falls away from me, could prove tricky as I love that move.

(171) (172) Like I said, I love that move.

I manage to get her down half health before I start to struggle but I'm currently up on health, bet I have to beat her more than once, just to make it that little bit more unbearable.

(173) Falling's peaceful.

2 Orbs left and............she dead!

Large enemy appearig from a wall.

I catch Shield Knight as the ENCHANTRESS dies.

Shovel Knight Claims he would have come sooner had he known.

Shield Knight lays on the sob story as she never gave up, I did though, I remember leaving my 3DS for days, avoiding the 8 boss battle, I want to tell her this part but I can't.

Soon as they claim to both be weak from the battle a large enemy appears from within the walls, I hope we both battle it as I'm rather scared of dying and having to do it all over again.

Also, Called it!

Toast break, Marmite if your wondering.

Marmite on toasted bread, true story.

Luckily when I die straight away the game launches me straight back into this boss battle, thank Shovels for that (174)

I have to tag team her with Shield Knight, using her shield to bounce in the air, Shovel dropping her in the face as I glide through the air like an air devouring sex tornado. Blades of glory, great quote!

I Shovel drop her head into absolute oblivion keeping my cool as I dominate this final boss battle, nothing coming close to the Battle Royale in chapter 10.

Shield Knight states the obvious 'We need to get out'

Staring Shovel Knight and Shield Knight.

The ENCHANTRESS tries one last blow and wounds Shovel Knight, Shield Knight jumps in the way like a bodyguard and saves him from the final blow.

Black Knight appears now?! apparently its a party not an escape, but what's this he drags Shovels to safety! Shield Knight sacrificing herself in the process to save the day.

The newly named Slag Knight cries as she's so happy to see them both, Bitch.

Black Knight promises to save McShovels as the castle falls down and restores good to the world.

He throws me next to a fire and fucks off.

Roll Credits.















Written by Caleb Bateman.
Played by Caleb Bateman.
Toast supplied by Grandma.


194 Deaths

13:33:27 Total play time



Did you stay till the end before clicking away?

Good because turns out Shield Knight escaped and sits next to McShovels, Hero's always get the girl.

Also probably one of my Greatest gaming achievements to date.

This game was hard!

But I had the most fun playing it and want to say congratulations to Yacht Club Games for making this amazing game, hopefully it's got you intrigued, like my friend we shall not mention, also it took him 80 minutes to not finish the 3rd level in the game!

Koi Koi

Caleb.

Shovel Knight 5 - Breaking the trend

Another Cryptic name, why ?

Getting it done

Because its 10.00 am and I'm going to have a little session now as I'm really enjoying my time with Shovel Knight, Death's and all! I've put some Slipknot on as this is music you get things done too.

Where to next then?

Well all I can do is walk into the ENCHANTRESS, she chats shit about trying to persuade the Evil named BLACK KNIGHT to join the order ,

 I chime in with a " What the Shovel Fuck " and she float runs away.

12 rounds it is then.

Now the BLACK KNIGHT wants to go 12 rounds.
Obliged, I Knock the Knight out in one quick round.
I thrust my Shovel in the air to show I am the mightiest of knights, never corrupted by the evil, just fighting for what's right. like the 1500 man purse gold I just received via direct debt. even evil people bank, who'd have thought it.



The Adventure is go!

Said catapult, Horse and song sheet

So I jump out of the level like I said I'd stop doing and land in a catapult, yes that random, Which flings me too some distant land.

I grab a song sheet, so I'm okay with this current turn of events. Apparently its all thanks to a horse who loves Ballistic Physics! The more you know and all that, Holy shit, it flung me from the Village to the Armor Outpost, DECENT!

5000 Man purse coin please

I continue my adventure to the Hall of Champions, sounds expensive. 5000 man purse coins to enter?! I give the odd looking duck princess the middle Shovel finger and be on my merry way.

I go see my trusty Shovel Smith to upgrade McShovels

 "You now hold in your hands the ultimate Shovel blade"  Shovel Smith                                   

 I laugh Shovel MAD with all this power at my fingertips, if only I could get some down time,I'd shovel build the best sand castle the world has ever seen!

10.39 am - CLOCKWORK TOWER - lair of the Tinker Knight.

First thoughts on this world, lots of cogs, lots of treadmills of death. Clock work death comes to mind. 59 deaths and leaving on a high note probably won't come from this world, It already looks evil and I'm just standing in reception.

Deadmaus

Clock work Mice are today's enemy of choice, Fucking Brilliant! I'm also greeted by a wizard who casually starts throwing cogs at me, I just jump straight over the cogs and Shovel smash him to death.

I'm kissed by one of these evil flying cat head things and that's death number (60) and back to the start of the level again.

I get straight back to my flying dead loot to claim it my own once again, I assess the situation wrong, bouncing off the ceiling and straight into death (61) 

I boom straight through the level remembering every enemy and every trap, I make the jump and claim my man purse coins and climb a ladder to claim checkpoint 1, a sigh of relief as its done.

Isaac 

As I climb straight up some ladder I see Isaac from Dead Space shooting shit at me from across the map. I bounce on his head to claim an instant kill, staring out the other Isaac across the map.

I decide to leave him to it as I climb up a ladder some rockets fly past me, I'm lucky I don't get hit by one.At the top of the ladder I'm welcomed by a Jousting Knight! I run away like the hardcore coward I am, health a major issue now, not to worry I see some chicken .... and lots of timed jumps and death.

I get the gut feeling I'll be standing here again in 5 minutes time (62)

As I foresaw I'm greeted by death and a puzzling amount of jumps, treadmills and rockets flying around, I'm going to raise my stress level to a 4.

Part Shovel Knight part rocket salad.

(63) Spikes for dinner this time as I'm not so lucky and eat rocket salad.

I cruise through this time moving to get a better position on this floating piece of wood, I nudge left to get more centred, centred straight into a fucking hole (64)

The rocket makes quick work of me this time as I'm the key ingredient to a nice rocket salad (65)

I DO IT! I get through, I see Checkpoint 2. To celebrate my success I jump straight down a hole in the ground, my heart sinks (66)

11.09 am - Just over an hour in and I've hardly progressed. I want this clockwork twat dead so badly now.

(67) Another rocket jump, another rocket salad. Stress level 5 and rising. Maybe my evening session will be more productive as I'll be a little calmer.

I kill the Joust Knight this time just to prove I can, lets see if I can get this checkpoint now. I DO. Checkpoint 2, my more aggressive play style pays off.... for now

Candy cock

There are some horrible looking things that look like giant candy canes which you get stuck too and drag you along, As an optimist all I see is stress, I walk into the room. It crushes me (68) 

Eaten by a flying Cat head (69) 


I fuck the cat head up then figure out the puzzle, I celebrate by jumping on some nearby spike (70) 


I go to jump on this candy cock and miss, hello familiar hole (71)

11.26 am - 11 Deaths in this world so far! HARDCORE, I persevere.

I correct all the mistakes I made this time, I fight off 3 Jousting Knights then climb a ladder to safety.
Checkpoint 3 waves at me. I go give it a sweet high 5 and remember it wasn't all for nothing.

I kill another Isaac and run straight for the ladder, The level now throws a complete curve ball at me. Not only do I have to jump and climb a lot the floor is also rising and rockets are flying at me from across the map. I'm then reminded of the key ingredient to an excellent rocket salad (72) 

I die once again, nothing special this time (73)

More of the level is revealed to me as a progress higher (74)

I'm to slow to the party this time and the rocket's celebrate with out me (75)

This time I jump to death out of pure fear (76)

I do it. I surprise myself. I was honestly about to call it quits as 16 DEATHS is to many, 4 orbs of health and a boss, I know I'll die but I'll kill him second time round.
I find the hidden boss Chicken, it mocks me once again by being out of my reach.

BOSS - Tinker Knight 

A small problem

"Just work on letting me pass little friend"

 I calmly say before it all kicks off. He runs from left to right panicking, I make SMALL work of him. Long live Shovel Knight
WHAT ?!

He's a fucking massive robot now, I take all above back and death (77)

Mines bigger than yours

Lets pray full health helps me this time, 8 orbs, beast mode engaged. death. again.(78)

I kill him this time, not one hit to my sweet Shovel Armor, now for that Robot!Lucky bounce and the robots dead!

I head back to the village for a breather and to hand in some song sheets to this lunatic, I visit the witch to see some of my stats 94 total deaths, Jesus I wouldn't have guessed so many.

6.38:35 Total play time, I call that break time.
'