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| Clive the gunman. |
Clive, Gunman Clive is my character of choice, why you ask? Because it's his name in the title not Ms. Johnson.
The story is simple, Ms. Johnson has been kidnapped, so I kill everything I see in a testosterone fuelled rampage. Take that stall. Fuck you chair.
The lay outs simple also, 4 checkpoints and a boss battle are shown on my bottom screen, my boy Clive standing above. B is jump and Y is shoot, that's it, It;s go time Clive.
Check these details out, I jump on a box and shoot a man in his cowboy hat. Boo Yah, what follows is probably the single most violent image I have ever seen of a cowboys shin splintering to pieces and blowing apart due to the sheer power of Clive's revolver.
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| That hardy Duck. |
More like a 2D gunman falls over and turns to smoke.
I jump on a duck and it hurts me, now I don't want a reverse Zelda situation so I leave him to his business and cap the 3 o'clock square in the mush.
I can shoot in a straight line and that's that, to kill targets that are above me I need to get to their level, I climb some more handy crates and blow up more shins, more ducks appear.
Not to self: Ducks are harder than cowboys.
I eat bullet and take one square to the gut. Yep, this is like shovel knight. (1)
Four hits and you die, I take 3 trying to rush straight in, the key here is to time to bullets and jump over them, using gaps in firing time to dominate and land that all important hit.
I die in the exact same place again (2)
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| This cake isn't. |
I make quick work of the 3 targets as I know where there situated. Trail and error, It gets to the point where you can run the level with your eyes closed, if you die enough times.
One giant slice of cake and a random wolf attack later I pass a checkpoint and walk into stage 2.
I'm weirdly attracted to this little grey opening, what is it? Why its a cowboy in a hole! Fucker made me jump, if only I could shovel drop people.
I try and jump from roof top to roof top like a ninja cowboy, turns out I just fall to my 2D death. (3)
I speed on past the roof top, this time landing the jump successfully, a few overly nervous jumps later and I'm safe.
I can see this taking a while as I'm surrounded by killer cowboy ducks.
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| We killed him instead. |
A wolf named Bill jumps into view trying to sell me some moonshine, I decline by lodging a bullet in his wolf head, damn lone wolfs,didn't you know you get nowhere with an attitude like that.
I shoot another duck in the beak bringing up the end of stage 2, 90 seconds, 90 seconds of turtle heading.
Now there's pelicans that drop bombs, they also turn into black smoke when they die, I feel like Mr Echo, this being my western lost timeline.
What follows next is the introduction of 'tilt' platforms, their course is outlined in front of me via dotted line, It's my job to stand on one side moving the platform and killing any pelican, duck, wolf and cow-person the game can throw at me, I do so like a boss for two of these, three enemies in and I'm starting to worry about my curiously low health bar and the fact I'm only quarter of the way into this stage.
I realise once the platform gets to the end of its designated journey it falls into the nether, it takes me with it this time. (4)
I sail on by. No trouble this time, I get shot in the butt and die again, damn it (5)
Killer circular saws are now in front of me, the forces of evil getting stronger and harder the further I advance into the map.
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| She has the power of Tits and Saws. |
Do they have a sorceress or something because it's floating in mid air all by itself.
Now there's killer Bunny rabbits as well that bounce over large distances of the level and tail drop me, I feel like I've annoyed a farm of highly intelligent farmyard animals.
Twist in the plot, Evil crocodile stole the princess, you heard it from me first.
I flow through the level, one with the controls , bunnies are nothing to me, even when they do come flying across the map at me. I'm so confident ducking, shooting and running on through the map I make a huge mistake when killing a guy. I stand in his bullet trail left after he dies (6)
Falling floors, easy work. Stationary cowgirl, Deadly! (7)
54 seconds it takes me to speed run this part with out dying, I wonder to myself what spooky animal I'll fight as it clearly wont be a human.
Elvis Presley with a mini gun makes exceptionally quick work of me! (8)
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| Elvis's next hit is called bullets. |
And again, Bastard! (9)
What the fucking fuck, this guy is actually crazy hard (10)
I'm getting tired of this. (11)
What follows next is actually painful. (12) (13) (14) (15) (16) (17) (18) (19)
Should I put this on easy? If I die 30 times I really am!
What, I killed him, 50 second battle. 12 deaths in total from him, Fuck you!
You ain't the king no more.
Koi Koi
Caleb
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